“Listen, it’s okay to mourn the loss of someone and still not be okay with everything they did while they were still here with us. When people die, we tend to try to focus on the good in them so we can remember them fondly, which is nice. But grief is complicated. Just because someone has passed, it doesn’t wipe away the times that they might have hurt us.”
My own feelings about Damian welled up inside me as the words left my mouth. Sometimes, I felt sad that he was gone and I would never see him again. Then I would usually feel guiltyabout mourning the loss of someone who had brainwashed and abused me my entire life… But Ryan always told me that it made sense to miss the closest thing I had to a father. I was the victim in this situation, and however I decided to deal with Damian’s death was the right way to do it.
“I don’t want to pry or anything, but I get the feeling that if you needed to fake date my boyfriend to make your family happy, that maybe whatever you’re feeling right now is valid.”
She blinked at me, and I held my breath. I wasn’t sure if what I had said would offend her, and I didn’t want to overstep on my first day on the job, but my entire body relaxed when her eyes softened, and she nodded.
“I triedsohard for him, but I just… I just can’t be who he wanted me to be.” Her gaze drifted back to the empty podium as if she could still see her grandfather lying there.
“We got in a fight a few weeks ago. I tried to put my foot down with him. It didn’t go well, and I threatened never to speak to him again… and now…” A large tear spilled over her cheek, and she broke down, dropping her face into her hands. “And now I never will…”
Without thinking, I draped my arm over her shoulder and held her while she cried.
“Let it out…” I murmured, rocking her gently as she sobbed.
There were no words that would help her through this, so I stayed quiet. Ryan came in at one point, and his eyes filled with sympathy as he watched me do my best to comfort Joanna.
He left me to it, a small grateful smile ghosting on his lips.
After a long while, Joanna untangled herself from me and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. I handed her a tissue and gave her a tentative smile.
“Thank you,” she sniffed. I shrugged.
“No need to thank me. I didn’t do much.”
She shook her head. “You did more than you know. I think I just needed to not feel judged for a minute.”
“No judgment here, sweetheart.” I grinned. She smiled back, still wiping her tears away.
“I’m really glad Ryan found someone like you,” she said softly. “He deserves someone who looks out for him and loves him just the way he is.”
My heart swelled with warmth at her words, and I suddenly couldn’t remember why I hated her so much.
“Yeah, well, maybe the three of us could hang out sometime. You know, if you ever need some friends who run in different circles.”
The smile she gave me made the whole room light up, and I feltso fucking goodthat something I said was the reason she no longer looked like there was no hope in the world.
“I would really like that,” she whispered, and I squeezed her hand gently.
“Me too.” I winked. She giggled before getting to her feet.
“Thanks again, Callum,” she said, and I walked her out, feeling like maybe Ryan was right. It felt way better to help people than it ever had to hurt them.
For the first time in my life, I really felt like I found somewhere I belonged.
“No, we’re going to need two cars,believeme,” Naomi insisted.
I exchanged an amused look with Theo.
“You’re moving into a dorm, gnomes. How much shit are you really going to need?” Theo asked, rubbing the back of her neck as she eyed my spacious G-Wagon.
Naomi held up her index finger like she was about to give a lecture.
“It’s always best to prepare for the worst, Theodora. If you don’t believe me, just ask Ryan. He’ll agree that it’s better to bring two cars now than to get there and realize we don’t have enough space and have to make a second trip.”
Ryan chuckled and pulled the keys to the hearse out of his pocket.
“I mean, normally, I would agree with you, gnomes, but I went with you on your dorm tour, remember? You’re basically moving into a closet.”
