Tugging him down to sit next to me on the bed, I gave him a gentle smile, which he returned with one of his soft, pink blushes. Leaning forward, I kissed his warm cheek gently, rubbing my thumb along his jaw and reveling in the rough bristle of stubble that was already growing there.
His clean scent surrounded me, and I leaned into him, depositing the cup and toothbrush on the end table as I worked him closer to the mattress.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you, baby. You have no idea. You’re the last person on the planet that I would ever want to hurt.”
“Shh, shh.” Ryan kissed me back, nipping at my lips until they became puffy and swollen. He ran his fingers up the back of my neck and into my hair, causing me to shudder as I lay on top of him, pressing him into the soft mattress.
“It’s not your fault, angel. It was a PTSD response.”
I broke the kiss and pressed my forehead into his, letting out a shaky breath as I crushed my eyes closed with regret.
“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up,” I whispered, and he swept his thumb over my cheek, wiping away something wet that I pretended wasn’t a tear.
“You’re not fucked up, Callum. What happened to you is fucked up, yes… but you’re safe now. We’ll work through it together.”
I huffed out what I think was supposed to be a laugh but somehow wasn’t. Wincing against the pain in my side, I sat up, straddling Ryan’s hips and looking down at him with regret.
“How can I sleep here knowing I might hurt you again?” I whispered, and he got up on his elbows, pursing his lips.
“Now that we know, we’ll take precautions. Do you have night terrors often?”
I nodded. “Yeah. That’s why I used to always sleep at Apex instead of at home with Naomi. My screams always woke her up.”
Ryan’s eyes darkened. He didn’t like that.
Reaching up with one hand, he gently ran a thumb over my kiss-swollen lips.
“From now on, you will sleep here, in the same bed as me. That is not up for debate,” he said, using his stern businessman voice. I raised an eyebrow at that.
If I wasn’t so afraid I might accidentally kill him in a triggered rage, I would have found his little power trip adorable.
“If I agree to stay here, you have to promise not to wake me up again if I have a nightmare. I’m serious, Ryan.” I dropped my hand to gently trace the already purpling bruise around his throat. “If I hurt you again, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself.”
“I’m not letting you suffer through a fucking night terror while I sit here and do nothing, Callum,” he snapped. “I’ll wake you up with an air horn from across the room if I have to, but I’m not letting that fucker ever touch you again. Not even in your dreams.”
My eyebrows shot up into my hairline at his tone.
He soundedangry.
“How do you know the dream was about him?” I whispered, and Ryan gave a‘is that a serious question?’look.
“Who else would it be about? That man has been torturing and brainwashing you since you were a child. Of course your nightmares are about him.”
I bit my lip, feeling exposed. I had never talked about my nightmares before… Hell, no one had everaskedabout them before, let alone had a theory on what they were about or why I had them.
“They used to be about my mom,” I admitted. I didn’t dream of Damian often; this was the first time he’d made an appearance in a while. But I guess it made sense, considering recent events.
“This one was more like a memory from when I was a kid. He had me in the tub, and… it was the first time they used the cattle prodder on me,” I whispered, shocking myself by telling him the truth.
Understanding crossed Ryan’s face, and he pushed up from his elbows onto his hands so he could sit up straighter. I shimmied down his lap to give him more room.
“So that’s why you were afraid of the tub…” he muttered to himself, and I frowned.
“What do you mean?”
He glanced at me, his mouth a firm line. “The other night, after your surgery, I was trying to get you cleaned up, but you refused to go anywhere near the bathtub.
“Oh…” I wrung my hands together in my lap, feeling really awkward and uncomfortable talking about this. “Yeah. Most of the torture happens in a bathtub in the basement of Apex. It’s so they can use water torture methods. A lot of pressure washing and waterboarding, and it makes the cattle prodder hurt more if you’re wet first.”
