“Correct, Callum. He isnothing.When I allow you to leave here, what are you going to do to prove that to me?”
I swallowed, shivering in the cold tub.
To prevent me from getting hypothermia, Damian covered me with a blanket in between sessions. But whenever he and McGreggor were in the room with me, the blanket was removed.
“I’ll tell him we’re done,” I promised, closing my eyes and forcing myself not to jerk away from Damian’s relentless stroking. “I won’t see him anymore.”
Damian was being gentle, but it didn’t matter. I was so raw and tired that even the lightest touches hurt.
“Such a good boy, Callum. You know I’m doing this to help you, right? You have always needed a little extra help focusing. You’ve been doing so well though, I’m very pleased with your progress.”
My head was heavy, and my thoughts were sluggish. It wasn’t possible for me to think straight when I was this sleep-deprived and hungry.
I nodded. “I know, Damian.” I sighed, sinking further back into the tub.
“Tell me you love me, Callum,” he crooned, and I winced.
“I love you.”
The cruel smile that curled on Damian’s face made me feel off balance. The days of torture and sleep deprivation meant I wasn’t as mentally strong as I normally was, and even though I knew I didn’t love him, I still found myself waiting for him to say it back.
When he didn’t, the small, broken child that my mother had tried to kill all those years ago seemed to take over my brain. Without my permission, the child version of myself used my voice to ask Damian something I hadn’t ever been able to ask anyone since the day my own mother had told me she didn’t love me.
“Do you… do you love me, too?” I whispered, desperate to hear someone say it back to me. Even if it was just one time from a man I fucking hated.
Damian’s eyebrows raised in surprise, and McGreggor snickered in the corner. Stroking my face gently, Ryker shook his head, looking at me with something close to pity on his face.
“How could I ever love you, Callum? All you ever do is disobey.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I nodded, trying to ignore the fact that my heart felt like it was breaking, even though I knew deep down that Damian Ryker wasn’tcapableof loving anyone. Especially not the people he saw as possessions.
As an adult, I knew this. However, there was a time when I was a child that I really did think I loved him, and I believed he loved me back. He was always so proud of me when I followed his orders, and he used to take me to all the shit that I imagined parents did with their kids.
When I was eighteen, he bought me tickets to Tomorrowland and flew me out to Belgium so I could see all my favorite DJs live.
It was a core memory for me, and sometimes, these bright spots outshone the pockets of abuse he forced me to endure.
Iknewthis was abuse. But it sometimes got so mixed up with all the amazing things Damian had done for me that it was hard for me to truly hate him.
I owed so much to him, and even though he hurt me, I couldn’t deny that I was grateful for the life he had allowed me to live.
He’d given me what I needed to keep my sisters safe. We never wanted for anything because of him. Maybe he was right, and I was being ungrateful for wanting more than this.
I certainly felt selfish for pulling Ryan into this life. It would be kinder to let him go. For a split second, I imagined how I would feel if Damian put Ryan in this tub instead of me, and a shock of fear bolted through my frazzled mind.
No, no. I couldn’t let that happen to him. I needed to stop being such a baby and let him go. Being around me was only going to get him hurt.
“Do you think you’ve learned your lesson, Callum?” Damian asked, watching me carefully from where he was perched on the edge of the tub.
I nodded. “Yes, Damian.”
“Good. Now, I just want to make sure you have a little reminder of who you belong to so you don’t forget again.”
I could barely hear what he was saying anymore; sleep was pressing insistently against the corners of my mind, dragging me under.
I just nodded because he liked it when I agreed with him.
“After this, you can rest, I need you to be strong for me, Callum. Can you do that?”
