“I’m not sad. Fuck him.”
Cal shrugged, nodding. “I felt that way for a long time after my mom died. She was a huge bitch too. I fucking hated her.”
His callous words made me cringe, but then Anna-Marie turned to face him, and I was surprised to see a small smile on her lips.
“But you don’t feel that way anymore?” she asked, and Cal shrugged again.
“No, I still hate her, so I felt really confused when I started to also feel sad whenever I thought about her.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be sad that he’s dead,” Anna-Marie said, scuffing her Mary Janes on the ground.
“I think I’m more sad forme, if that makes sense,” Cal said softly. “I think the little version of me deserved a mom who took care of him; instead, I got saddled with the psycho lady who birthed me. It feels shit. But it’s okay, you know, to mourn that.To mourn the father that you never had instead of the one you lost. It doesn’t let him off the hook.”
She was staring at him again, and even from where I was standing, I could tell her eyes were filled with tears.
“He really was a fucking asshole,” she whispered. Cal gave her a sad smile and leaned a little closer to her.
“Good thing he’s fucking dead now. You win.” He winked at her, and she burst out into a fit of giggles.
“Anna-Marie!” I jumped out of my skin as Mrs. Hemmingsworth came around the side of the house. “There you are! I thought I told you to wait in the car.” She hurried forward and grabbed her daughter by the arm, pulling her away from Cal. Cal and Mrs. Hemmingsworth glared at each other, but thankfully, neither of them said a word.
Anna-Marie rolled her eyes but allowed her mother to drag her away.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” She glanced over her shoulder at Cal and waved. “Thanks for hanging out with me, dude. See you around.” She waved at him, and Cal gave her a two-finger salute.
“Anytime, Kiddo,” he muttered, and I felt all the anger I had been harboring toward him melt away.
For a second, it was my father sitting on that bench, saying goodbye to the child he had just quietly comforted.
It was the part of the job that my father had always excelled at. George Fairview loved what he did because he really felt like he was making a difference in people’s lives. He helped people move on from some of their darkest days, and he was always a safe space for those who needed extra grief counseling.
What Cal had just done reminded me of that so much that my entire body erupted in gooseflesh.
Sure, my father definitely would have had that chat without using the f-word, but… maybe that was why Cal had been able to break through that child’s angry exterior. He spoke to her ina language she understood. He had treated her like an equal and made her feel like her feelings were valid.
Instead of shaming her for being angry and speaking ill of the dead, he had given her room to process those feelings and opened the door for her to move onto the next stage of grief when and if she was ever ready.
I was blown the fuck away.
“What’s that look for, ginger snap?” Cal asked, and I jumped again, realizing I had been staring at him.
A warm, tender feeling crept through my chest as I watched him watch me. He was surrounded by flowers, and the bright afternoon sunlight was casting caramel highlights on his dark hair. He really was fucking beautiful, even if he stressed me out more than anyone I had ever fucking met.
“That was… that was really nice. What you just did for that girl,” I said, coming forward to sit next to him on the bench.
He shrugged. “It was nothing. I’ve been there, you know? I’m sure it’s tough when someone you love dies, but when you hate that person, it’s tough too. Just in a different way.”
I nodded, though I couldn’t pretend to understand. The only person in my life that had died was my father, and I loved him more than anything.
“You’re mad at me again,” Cal said suddenly, and I glanced over at him to find him watching me with an oddly vulnerable look on his face.
I sighed. “I’m not. Not anymore, at least.”
“What you said before about me not texting you… I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you expected me to.” He fiddled with the strings on his hoodie. “No one usually expects me to check-in. Even Naomi is used to me being gone for a few days at a time.”
A jolt rocked through me. A fewdays?
Cal was watching me carefully, and a gentle smile tilted on his lips at my expression.
