Still, I said nothing. There was nothing to say. He was either going to unmake me, or He was going to let me go. I would not be seeking forgiveness because I had done nothing wrong.
“Confess your sins, Ramel, before this choir of witnesses, and we can return to the natural state of things. I will even allow you to continue to be Heaven’s emissary to Hell, provided Lilith agrees to remove the demon she has planted in you so I might reinstate your wings.” Yahweh smiled down at me in what I assumed was meant to be a comforting and forgiving manner. I remembered the burning pain of my angel’s wings and realized I would rather be unmade.
“Go fuck yourself,” I spat, and Yahweh’s many faces flickered. He sighed.
“Rafael, open a vision portal. Let us show Lilith what has become of her beloved Reaper,” Yahweh sighed, spinning the scepter in His hand.
Fuck.
I didn’t want Lilith to see any of this. If she came here, all would be lost. I needed Him to unmake me before she could do something foolish. I trusted Shemhazai to do his best to keep her in Hell, but even he couldn’t stop her if she put her mind to something.
“Just unmake me, you piece of shit. End this,” I snarled, and Yahweh chuckled.
“Oh, Ramel. I will if I must, but as I said. It would be a waste of resources. There are several things I would like to try first. Perhaps we will come to terms. I have not given up hope.”
I watched in horror as Rafael spun open a vision portal to Hell. I could see Lilith and Shem in our room. Shem was holding her while she sobbed into his chest, and my heart cracked open.
No, no, no. Don’t look, Lilith.
She and Shem both looked up at the same time. Our eyes met through the portal, and I shook my head. I knew they wouldn’t be able to hear me, but I screamed anyway.
“No! Don’t leave Hell, stay where you fucking are!”
Yahweh chuckled and glanced up at Rafael.
“Hold him so that he may receive the holy sacrament,” Yahweh ordered, and Rafael moved behind me, gripping my head firmly.
“Open to receive me, Ramel, for I am Yahweh, and I will show you the way,” He said. I shook my head and reared back, but Rafael held me tightly. With the golden noose binding my magic, I might as well have been a fucking mortal. Rafael clenched the bottom of my jaw, forcing me to open, and Yahweh came forward, smiling down at me as if He were giving me some great gift.
I snarled in rage, but Rafael reached into my body with his powers and locked my soul down. I was paralyzed and could do nothing but receive as Yahweh pressed Himself into me.
“My beautiful creation,” Yahweh whispered as he spilled His sacrament down my unwilling throat. Stroking the side of my face, He looked down at me, smiling, and I let Him see how much I hated Him. Finally, He pulled away, and Rafael released his hold on me.
“Will you serve me, Ramel? Will you serve your Lord and Savior?”
I spat what I could of Him out into the clouds and curled my lip up in disgust. “I would rather suck your dick again than serve you, asshole.”
Yahweh hissed in rage, and I smiled. I glanced up into the vision portal to see Shemhazai visibly holding back a screaming Lilith. I tried to show her that I was okay.
That was nothing, Lilith, I am fine. Stay there.
I willed her to understand me. She fell to her knees, tears streaming down her little pink cheeks. Shem kneeled behind her, wrapping his arms around her in comfort. He met my gaze, and we shared a quiet moment of understanding.
If all this fucker was going to do was make me blow him for eternity, I could handle it.
“You force my hand, Ramel,” Yahweh warned, and I snorted.
“I’m not forcing you to do shit.” I looked up at Him, spitting again, trying to get the foul taste of Him out of my mouth. “You’re doing this all on your own.”
Yahweh shook His head as if He were disappointed in me. “Prepare him for a sacred lashing,” He said, and I grit my teeth.
Fuck.
I glanced over at the portal to see Shemhazai whispering into Lilith’s ear. I hoped he was trying to convince her to look away. I didn’t know if he would be able to keep her in Hell if she was forced to watch me be publicly whipped. If the roles were reversed, literally nothing would have been able to hold me back.
Rafael tore off my shroud, exposing my back to the choir of angels. He positioned me in such a way that I knew Lilith and Shem would have a clear view from the portal. I swore. This was going to fucking suck, but it wouldn’t unmake me. It would just hurt like a bitch.
I watched as Rafael handed Yahweh a golden whip. Yahweh held up the coil over His head as if we were in mass and He was blessing the wine.
