Finally, he spoke. “If I let you go, do you know what would become of you?” he asked, his voice softer than I had expected.
I tried to think before I spoke. What was my end game here? If he let me go, where did I plan on running to? Back to my apartment? Back to Voodoo? What he had said earlier about Yahweh having some sort of plan for me rang in my ears. He told me he did not trust Yahweh and that he and Shem seemed to be under His control on some level.
Was I safer here in Hell with Satan than with God?
I frowned, suddenly feeling more confused than ever. He told me God had put me in purgatory. If I ran and God and His angels caught me, would I meet that same fate again?
Ramel was watching me carefully, and I knew he could see my hesitation. He stroked an inky finger over my cheek, and my skin hummed and buzzed with flurries of warmth despite the coldness of his hand.
“I had hoped that you would refuse Art’s offer. If you had, I would have asked you to willingly be my bride,” he whispered. He reached out and took my left hand. He manifested a cloud of shadow and a ring formed before my eyes. It was a daintier version of the goat head ring he always wore, its eyes black diamonds.
He slid it onto my ring finger reverently before looking up to meet my gaze. “I wish I had time to convince you to want this, Lilith,” he said, reaching up to brush away a tear I hadn’t realized had fallen. “But that is not the case.” He leaned forward and kissed me so softly it made my heart ache. He cupped the side of my face and rested his forehead against mine. I inhaled his frankincense and sandalwood scent and listened to the somber notes of Ave Maria. Suddenly, I realized that whilemy wedding night might feel more like a funeral, it didn’t matter because I had never really had a life to lose.
“Even if we did have more time, we both know that I would continue to hurt you. I would hurt you again and again, Lilith, because I am a monster, and I love to see you cry.” He kissed me gently, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth for a moment before releasing me to continue.
“You know as well as I do that I’m not capable of being kind… but for reasons that I cannot fathom or understand, you make me want to fucking try.” His eyes searched mine, and I felt like he was trying to show me that somewhere in his rotten, pitted soul, he had carved out a space he hoped was a little softer, just for me.
“I’m your own personal nightmare, Lilith, and I will never let you go,” he whispered, giving me a small, sad smile. “I may not be able to promise you kindness, but I can promise you forever. I can promise that I will be the only monster to ever hurt you because your pain belongs to me.”
I didn’t know why, but I felt like my heart was breaking. He pulled back and looked at me, rubbing his thumb over the ring he had placed on my finger.
I knew he was right. He was a demon. An evil fucking creature that ruled the underworld. He had tormented me my whole life and had never given me a choice in anything. He stole every piece of happiness I could have ever hoped for. He clipped my wings and chained me to the ground.
So why did it feel like he was trying to tell me he loved me when his black heart didn’t even know what love was?
“I don’t know how to make you want this, Lilith,” he whispered, and I swallowed as the haunting music grew louder around us. “But that does not mean I won’t give it to you anyway.”
He pulled away and held out his hand to Shem. Shem handed him the leash, and Ramel turned back to face me.
“Let’s begin.”
“Marriage is too important to be left to the determination of the individuals concerned.”
—BENJAMIN DISRAELI
Shem handed me the leash, and for the first time, I wished I didn’t have to do this to her. I didn’t want our wedding night to be a punishment. I had hoped it would have fallen into the category of a reward, but she had forced my hand.
To complete the ceremony, we needed sixty-six witnesses to our joining. This needed to happen before my meeting with Yahweh, and the bond took five days to solidify.
Even if I were capable of selfless love, I could not let her go. We had both failed Yahweh’s test, and there would be consequences if Shem and I couldn’t convince Yahweh to settle this dispute civilly. She wouldn’t stand a chance, and Yahweh would likely put her back into purgatory, perhaps for eternity.
A marital bond to Lilith would hold more weight than me claiming her as a citizen of Hell. Even Yahweh respected the sanctity of marriage. It was not foolproof. He may still object, but it was just another strike in our favor.
I couldn’t understand the look on her face as she knelt before me on the altar. She had never looked at me like that before. Her hatred and her pain I understood, but there was something more there now. It looked like maybe she had seen a piecein me that she hadn’t known was there. I felt a twinge of what felt a lot like sadness when I realized she would likely not look at me like that again once we were done here.
“Let’s begin,” I said, and Shem moved to stand behind the podium to address the audience.
“We gather here tonight to witness the joining of Ramel Endlyne and Lilith Cortland. Two beings forged from the very essence of night. Let it be known that their union is bound by the eternal flames of starfire and shall never be extinguished. May their hatred burn fiercely, unyielding to the trials of this underworld, and may their union reign supreme amidst the chaos and darkness that surrounds us.”
His voice twined with the harrowing notes of the bone organ and echoed against the obsidian walls of the unholy chapel.
“Tonight, Death will claim Lilith as his own, and she will forever bear the Endlyne name. Her place at his side will be solidified and acknowledged by the Fallen. With sixty-six pairs of eyes, we will ensure their union is immortalized and carved into the wings of night for all eternity.
Still holding her leash to ensure she couldn’t run away, I stepped closer.
“Get on your hands and knees,” I ordered, though I delivered it softly. Her breathing quickened, and her eyes darkened. She knew what needed to happen next. She had taken me in this form before. However, we had been alone on the train. Her eyes darted out to the audience. All sixty-six members of the Watchers were present, their faces expressionless, their eyes all-seeing. I had attempted to prepare her for this, but again, I wished we had more time.
“Now, Lilith,” I ordered, letting her hear the threat in my voice. This needed to be done by midnight, or the bond would not set properly.
