“Oh, it’s just that asshole. Yeah, I heard about this on the way over here. It’s all over the news.” He strolled into the kitchen like he owned the place, and I watched him take in my little gnocchi-making station. His lip twitched.
Chaos trotted over to him and rubbed against his legs affectionately. I wasn’t sure for a moment how he would react. I assumed someone as dickish as him probably hated cats, but to my surprise, he smirked at Chaos and scooped him up, cradling him against his chest and scritching him between the ears. Chaos closed his eyes and immediately started purring.
I was still too rattled by the fact that I had intentionally killed someone to even comment on the fact that I hadn’t expected Reaver to be a cat guy. He glanced up from Chaos and frowned at me after a few beats of silence.
“Why are you so shaken up by this? Isn’t this kind of your thing? You touch people, and they die, right? You should be used to it by now.” He smirked at me, and I felt my eyes well up with tears. I tried to bite them back, knowing he wouldn’t have any sympathy for me. He loved it when I cried.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I muttered. I dropped my gaze so he wouldn’t see the tears and made my way into the kitchen to take the groceries from him. He dropped Chaos and followed me as I put the pumpkin puree on the counter. Then, he started rummaging through the drawers for a can opener.
My fingers paused over a paring knife, and I held my breath. The sudden urge to carve a mark into myself as punishment for what I had done to John overtook me. I froze, my fingers twitching inches from the handle of the knife.
“Deathtrap,” Reaver said, but I couldn’t move or respond. There was a roaring in my ears, and it felt like my focus was zoning in on the knife, and everything else was falling away.
I was amurderer.
“Deathtrap…” Reaver’s tattooed hand suddenly wrapped around mine, and he pulled me away from the open drawer, spinning me to face him. He curled a finger under my chin and tilted my head up to look at him, his hazel eyes swimming with something that I might have confused with concern if I hadn’t known any better.
“Talk to me. What’s wrong? You can’t possibly be upset that the asshole is dead. He hit you.” He rubbed his thumb gently over the bruise on my cheek, frowning.
“I… I’m upset becauseI killed him,”I whispered, my voice barely audible over the ringing in my ears.
Reaver let out a frustrated sigh. “You didn’t kill him, Lilith.”
“I did, I kissed him. I knew it would kill him if I did it. It waswhyI did it,” I admitted, meeting his gaze. It was the first time I had ever made an admission like that out loud. Would Reaver report me? If he was going to turn me in to the cops, I didn’t even think I cared. I deserved it.
Instead of doing what I expected him to do and calling 9-1-1 to report a fucking murder, he scooped me up as easily as he had scooped up Chaos and stalked over to the couch. I squeaked in surprise as he flopped down and positioned me so I was straddling his lap, facing him. My hands flew of their own accord to his shoulders, and I tried to push away, but he held me firm on his lap. With one hand on my hip and the other suddenly in my hair, he forced me to look at him.
He waslaughing.
“You didn’t kill him, deathtrap... I did.”
“You can’t just kill people because it’s convenient.”
—RILEY FLYNN, MIDNIGHT MASS
Time seemed to stop, and my whole body went cold. I felt my eyes widen, and I couldn’t move. Shock. This was shock. Reaver was watching me carefully with that cocky, arrogant smirk on his stupid, handsome face.
He had donewhat?
“You…youkilled him?”I breathed, unable to believe he had just admitted that.
“Yeah, after I dropped you off. I hunted him down and gutted him like the piece of shit he was,” Reaver said, his voice level and devoid of any remorse. I studied him, waiting for him to crack up and suddenly tell me he was joking. What he was telling me couldn’t be true. If it was true, he wouldn’t risktelling me, would he? My mind was racing, and my mouth opened and closed several times without making a sound. His smirk widened, and he looked at Chaos, who was watching us with a bored cat expression from the TV stand.
“Cat got your tongue?” Reaver asked, glancing back at me.
“I…” I gaped, not knowing where to begin. I moved to get off his lap, needing to put some distance between us, but he tightened his hold on my hair, forcing me to stay still.
“I didn’t say you could stand.” His tone switched from playful to authoritarian. It always unnerved me when he did that.
“Reaver… tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’tactuallymurder that man,” I whispered.
“Oh, I murdered him, slowly too. He said he’s sorry, by the way, for hitting you.” Reaver’s eyes flashed suddenly, and his grin widened. “He promised to never do it again.”
“What…Reaver!Why would youkill him!?And why would youtell me?” Fear clutched my heart.
There was a fucking cold-blooded killer in my apartment! What if he tried to kill me!? I panicked for a moment before remembering that it was impossible. Death had made it clear that he didn’t want me. If he wouldn’t let me kill myself, I was sure he wouldn’t let fuckingReaverdo it.
“I killed him because he hit you,” Reaver said matter-of-factly, his fingers tightening in my hair, “and I told you because you were blaming yourself for his death.”
