Featherlight fingers brushed against my cheek, and I opened my eyes to find Lilith staring at me, a pained look on her beautiful face.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and I snatched up her wrist, growling.
“Stop,fucking, apologizing! None of this is your fault,” I snarled.
She sidled up closer to me and placed her free hand over my heart, staring at my chest like she could see the wounds beneath my shirt.
“I’m still sorry that I hurt you,” she said softly, glancing up to meet my gaze. “You were right. I don’t hate you. I’m sorry I reacted like that. I just… everything feels like it’s too much sometimes, and twenty-three years of history is a lot for me to try to move past. There are scars on my psyche that may never go away, Ramel, no matter how much you try to fix what’s been broken. There’s no going back, the damage has been done.”
If she had stabbed me in the chest with an Aetherium blade, it would have fucking hurt less. I increased my grip on her wrist but forced myself to breathe.
“But…”
I froze.But?
“But… I believe you when you say you love me and that you’re sorry,” She was staring at me so intensely I was afraid to breathe. “I believe that you wish you could take it all back. Well, maybe not all of it, but I believe that you wish you could take back killing everybody I ever knew and forcing me to grow up alone.”
I gave her one slow nod, still afraid to speak.
“I can see you trying to be better, but it’s going to take more than a few days, Ramel, for me to heal. It’s not enough for you to tell me that you love me; you have to show me every single day.” Her expression was serious, and there was a strength to it, a fire in her eyes that gave me hope. Someone who looked as determined as she did wasn’t beyond saving.
“You have a lifetime of hurt to heal, Ramel. You need to be patient and wait for me to get there.”
I sat up and cupped her face in my hands. “I will wait for you until the end of fucking time, Lilith. I’m just terrified I’m going to lose you to yourself along the way.”
She bit her lip, her mossy eyes filling with remorse. I was so tired of seeing her beat herself up like this. “I really scared you, didn’t I?” Her voice was so small it made my chest hurt.
I nodded. “Yes. I’ve never been so afraid in my life.”
Her eyes darted back and forth between mine, and I watched her little brow furrow as she mulled over my words.
“I didn’t think you were afraid of anything,” she whispered.
“Theonlything I’m afraid of, Lilith, is losing you.”
Tears welled in her eyes again, and her lower lip trembled. Before I knew what was happening, she threw her arms around my neck, and we fell back into the pillows together. I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face in her hair, memorizing the feel of her body against me and mapping the scent of her skin.
“I know I don’t have the right to ask anything of you, but please stay. Please stay here with me,” I begged, and my voice cracked. She made a soothing sound, similar to the ones I always made for her, and pressed her lips against the side of my neck.
“Okay, Ramel. I’ll stay.”
I knew she wasn’t telling me she would stay in Hell. She was telling me she would stay with me wherever I was. I wanted to rain a thousand thank you’s down upon her perfect little ears, but I couldn’t speak. I was worried that if I did, I would completely shatter. So, instead, I just held onto her, praying that she was telling me the truth and I would never have to worry about surviving a day without her in my arms again.
“The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself.”
—WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
There was a rat in my house. I could smell it.
Ihated rats.
Happily, I was designed to hunt down and eviscerate vermin. Lilith had made sure of that.
I prowled out of the manor and across the bridge to the mortal realm. Ramel was spending the day caring for Lilith, so I had some time to kill. She had scared us both after her littleepisode,and the familiar, cold twinges of rage were beginning to lick across the base of my stomach. Once again, Yahweh had threatened her safety, and He hadn’t even needed to touch her to do it.
We had just finally gotten her back—not just physically, but emotionally. I had seen it in her eyes this morning when she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me willingly. I hadn’t needed to force her to tell me she liked me, and I hadn’t needed a cattle prodder. She had just… hugged me.
My heart pinched at the thought. Her little round face had been so full of worry and concern. I had just wanted to squeeze the ever-loving shit out of those cheeks.
