“Yeah. I would like that,” I admitted.
Shem gently took my arms and uncuffed my wrists. “Art, want to whip us up something to eat? Make it fattening and terrible for us. Lil needs the good stuff.”
“And take that feathery fuck with you,” Ramel added, eyeing the still-bleeding mess that was Raf.
Art laughed and saluted us.
“Aye, aye, captain. Coming right up.”
“My demon is you.”
—HAILEY LEITHAUSER, SHADOWS
Shem and Ram stripped me down and sat me in the shower. They both got in with me, and Shem washed my hair while Ramel gently lathered my entire body. To my surprise, neither of them tried to make it anything more than a shower, though they both paused from time to time to kiss me and tell me how happy they were that I was safe.
When they were satisfied that I was clean, they bundled me up in fluffy towels and carried me to bed. They were lying down on either side of me just as Art came in with a tray full of food.
Ramel grinned at him. “Leave it on the bed, Art. Thanks, man.” Once Art had left, Ramel tugged the tray toward us and started listing options.
“Looks like we have a few cheeseburgers, a cup of chili, a dirty-looking burrito, and chicken fingers. What do you feel like?”
“I want the burrito,” Shem said immediately, and Ramel shot him a look.
“You pick last, I was asking Lilith.”
I laughed. “It’s okay, Shem can have the burrito. I’ll have the chicken tenders.”
“Thanks, Lil.” Shem grinned, planting a kiss on my cheek and making me giggle.
Why couldn’t they be like this all the time?
Once we all had our food and I was happily munching on my chicken tenders, Shem started strong with an apology.
“First of all, I’m sorry, and I know Ramel is too. You have to understand I couldn’t say shit about our past, and Yahweh erased Ramel’s memories and intentionally set him up to feel threatened by you. He told Ramel thathewas Death and the ruler of Hell, and after a thousand years suddenly said ‘nope, actually this new mortal is taking your place, hope you’re cool with that.’”
Ramel’s eyes darkened. “I wasnotcool with that. I hated you on sight, and that was exactly what Yahweh wanted. He wanted me to torment you as punishment for defying Him over four-and-a-half millennia ago.”
Together, they told me the story of how I was Lilith, the original ruler of Hell. They explained how I had changed them both from angels to demons and more or less built Hell together with them. It all sounded much too fantastical to be true, but I kept my mouth shut and just let them talk. I had asked for answers, and they were finally trying to give them to me.
“So, we were in love?” I whispered, and they both exchanged a glance.
“Wearein love,” Ramel said, taking my dirty dish off my lap and clanking it on the tray. He leaned into me and kissed the corner of my mouth softly. “I still love you. I always will. I just didn’t know because that asshole wiped my memories clean. Though even then… even when I hated you, there was something there. I was obsessed with you, Lilith. I didn’t need to stalk you as thoroughly as I did. I could have let you die the first time you tried to kill yourself and told Yahweh you were a failure and not fit to rule Hell. I never understood why I did that. I told myself it was because I wanted you to suffer, but I didn’t. I just wantedyou.”
“I love you too, Lil.” Shem grinned at me, throwing his hands behind his head and leaning back into the pillows. “Couldn’t you tell?”
I snorted.
“No. Ramel I understand being a dick to me, but your actions are inexcusable. If all this is true, why wouldn’t you try to be nicer about everything? You didn’t have to fucking torture me that first night. You didn’t have to make me crawl down the aisle at my wedding. You didn’t have to put a fuckingleashon me!” I snapped, suddenly angry all over again about all the shit he had done to me since I had been forced to come to Hell.
“Why would you do all that to someone you love?” I asked, feeling sad and confused. I wanted to trust and believe them, but they had betrayed me so many times. Especially Shem.
“Well, for one, I’m a demon, it’s kind of my brand to be a fucking asshole.” He smirked at me but reached out to stroke my cheek.
“As far as torturing you that first night with the vibrator, well, I was honestly pretty impressed with myself for not fucking you sooner. There were so many nights that I lay at the foot of your bed as your cat, listening to you finger yourself, and allI could think about was how you deserved better. You deserved to be screaming in ecstasy between Ram and me, instead of those pathetic little moans you used to let out using your own hand.”
I felt my entire face flush with embarrassment. I had no idea Shem had been the one at the foot of my bed. If I had, I certainly wouldn’t have masturbated with him there. The realization was horrifying. I tried to pull my head away, but he tightened his grip on my cheek and held me in place.
“You have no idea, Lilith, how hard it’s been. Spending time around you without being able to fuck you has been excruciating.”
