“Thank you. I wish you could smell them.” I take another deep lungful of the sweet essence. The amazing scent calms my heart.
“Summer, if I remember correctly, didn’t you have an interest in plants before the accident?”
I suck in a breath and freeze. I did, but I haven’t even looked at a plant since. Sue had a nice backyard, but I never went out there since I had no desire to help her with her flowers.
“Breathe for me, Summer. You’re going to be okay. Just breathe.”
Releasing the air from my lungs, I stare at the bowl in my hands. I walked around outside and gathered flowers. It wasn’t a conscious decision. It simply felt…right. I was at peace. It's been so long since I felt that way. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t even think about what I was doing, Sarah. Why did I do that? Why now?” This is so strange.
“You’re healing, Summer. You came a long way while living with Sue, and I’m so proud of you for that. Existing in that town, surrounded by memories, held you back. It’s hard to move forward when everything around you serves as a constant reminder.”
“But I just got here today. How isthat possible?”
“Sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery for a breakthrough. Think of it this way: nothing similar is currently around you. The scenery, the houses, the weather, the people, and even the smells are different. Correct?”
I nod. Can it be? Did this new environment do all this? Was my mind waiting for a new start?
“No one knows you or your story there. You can be anyone you want. You are free in a sense.”
I look up at Sarah and smile. A genuine smile. She’s smiling back at me, too. I’m free. That’s a good way to put it, but I sober up thinking of Sue and Jake.
“What did you think about? You lost your smile.”
“Sue and Jake. What about them? I feel bad that I could move on so easily.”
“There was nothing easy about getting to where you are today, Summer. Sue played an important role in your recovery. She gave you love and space, and a stable environment when you needed it. Jake also provided comfort and security for you. They will both continue to provide those things for you as you move forward. They contributed to your ability to pick flowers today, for the first time.”
“I don’t want Sue to think she failed somehow.” Feeling uncomfortable that Sue could think she was anything less than a lifesaver to me freaks me out.
“She won’t. I promise you. She’ll be thrilled for you. This is such an amazing development, Summer. Enjoy it.”
Can I do that? Just enjoy it? Being outside among the blooms was so nice today, as if a part of me came back to life. Maybe I can move forward here. It’s a scary thought, but part of me is obviously ready. “Okay. I’ll try not to overanalyze.”
“Perhaps you can think about having a conversation with Zander about this. He will need context to understand what happened today. Can you do that?”
I swallow.A big conversation already, and we just arrived. “Yeah, okay, I will.”
“Good. I’ll let you go now, Summer. Same time next week, unless you need me sooner.”
“Thanks, Sarah.” I return the bowl to the nightstand before closing the laptop and placing it beside me on the bed. Flopping back on the pillows, I take a deep breath. I didn’t expect such rapid changes in myself, if at all. It’s kind of scary how easily it just happened. Being outside felt so natural, and I was…happy. Perhaps Sarah is right, and I can truly start fresh here. Mal may have been right all along. I’ve got to get past the conversation with Zander first, though. Sighing, I sit up and swing my legs off the bed. Putting on my sneakers, I make my way to the office.
Knocking on the open door, I peek inside. Zander smiles and waves me in. While he’s on a phone call, I take the chance to explore his office. The same dark tile as the foyer and bathrooms covers the floor in here, and the walls are a dark charcoal, the opposite of the rest of the house. I turn towards the right and see there’s a bunch of military stuff hanging; photos of him and others in uniform, medals, and a few certificates. Charcoal-painted bookcases line the far wall between two windows, and there are two more windows facing the front yard. Zander is sitting at a light wood desk with two brown leather barrel chairs in front of the desk, so I take a seat in one.
“Hey Summer. Sorry about that. I was catching up with Troy. How was your session with Sarah?”
“Um good. Can I talk to you about something?” I fidget.
“Yeah, of course, anything,” he says as he leans forward and puts his arms on the desk, giving me his undivided attention.
“So, I think I may have actually been humming in the kitchen earlier.”
“Okay?” He looks at me quizzically, eyebrows raised.
“I haven’t really had an interest in anything since the accident. I guess I was in survival mode. Today was the first day since before the accident that I even noticed flowers, let alone picked them. I used to love flowers and had gardens planted all over our yard and a vegetable patch. I used to hum when I was gardening.”
“So today was a big deal,” he says kindly.
“Yeah, it was,” I nod. “I never even realized what I did until you mentioned my humming. I kind of freaked out for a bit, but Sarah talked me through everything.”
