“Stop, please. It’s the wrong—” I whimpered. He covered my mouth with his hand, holding my head up. The salty taste of his palm mixed with my tears.
He knew.
“So fucking tight,” he groaned as he took another piece of me, thrusting deeper past another ring of muscle.
I’m being ripped open. He pulled out and thrust into me again.
It hurt.
It hurt.
It hurt.
He muffled my screams as he did what he did best: he took and took from me. I put my hand over his on my mouth, but he jerked it away. Refusing to give me comfort, isolating me.
“Please, Amos,” I begged before he covered it again. His chest pressed against my back; his ragged panting scorched my ear.
“Shh,” he hissed before he shoved the back of my head into the pillow. I sobbed as momentum picked up. My toes curled, and it felt like my nails were ripping off. He was close, and I prayed to whatever God would listen to make the pain stop. His body tightened, thickening. I sent a desperate, final prayer of thanks when he emptied himself. My legs seized up, convulsing as sobs shook my entire frame, tearing out hiccuping noises. His hands released, and his body heaved away, rolling off the mattress.
“Don’t fucking act like you didn’t want it. Omegas are good for one thing: a slick hole, and you can’t even do that. Even a broken one should be thankful to be used.”
Guilty
Three years later
“I don’t know, Ami…” I trailed off as I folded my legs beneath me on my bed. I was extremely uncomfortable with this plan.
“Why not? Is there a reason you don’t want to?” she asked, the frustration evident. She took a deep breath before sighing, and tried again. “Aren’t you angry?”
Of course, I was, but that’s the thing about best friends: they’re always angrier than you. Ami’s the nicest fucking person in the world and we’ve been inseparable since Omega Academy days. She’d spent most of that time warring with herself—an Alpha spirit trapped in an Omega designation. Society nearly broke her for it, yet she kept fighting. Only thing that could keep us apart was distance. After graduation, she was flown back to her parents, and held under lock and key.
We’d been apart for years, but were just as close as we had been freshman year. Seeing someone daily didn’t define a friendship. Despite me being the youngest girl of nine, Ami was closer to me than my siblings, and the only one that went crazy when she found out. Sometimes blood wasn’t thicker than water.
“And you’re still worried about him… why?” she huffed. “After everything he’s done, he doesn’t deserve any of your thoughts!” I flinched, pulling the phone away from my ear as her voice screeched through the speaker. My ear was ringing, but my best friend was right. She told me countless times over the yearsto leave him, but I never did. I stayed with him, and for what? I wanted to laugh, but couldn’t. I don’t think I remembered how.
I tried not to dwell on it. It was all in the past. I focused on the next hour, then the one after that, carving a path through the emptiness of my new life. Her advice was sound, logical, but the thought of going out made my heart hammer. I knew I needed to do this, to get out more, but it made me nervous. It still didn’t feel right. When it came to this twisted loyalty, I couldn’t lie to myself yet. My heart was still loyal to him. The treacherous, stubborn organ was not so easily persuaded.
“It has been eight months, Vee. You need to just back into it. You’re still stuck on him. I can see it 5,000 miles away! The best way to get over someone is to get underneath another. Look at him, he didn’t even wait until the two of you were over—”
“Ami,” I warned, my chest pained.
“What? I’m being real with you. I won’t lie, and I won’t sugarcoat shit. It’s only fair that you be with someone else. Don’t think about him, don’t worry about his stupid feelings. Knots! Put yourself first for once! It won’t hurt to go out there and have a good time. Even without the shitty ex, don’t you think you deserve to have a good time?” Ami asked.
“Yes…,” I sighed.
“Thank goodness. So go out there, meet a handsome guy or two… or three and have some fun,” Ami said.
It’s not that easy. I was with him for almost six years, but it isn’t easy to explain that. I know there’s nothing wrong with being with other people now. We weren’t together, but tell that to my heart. The empty space he left behind makes me nauseous. Worse, my heart missed him. My abused Omega instincts were screaming that I did something wrong every time I swiped right on Mythinder, the dating app for the presented. Just lingering on a guy’s picture to look at his face made me feel guilty. I hadbeenhisfor so long, the idea of offering myself to another felt like a betrayal worthy of punishment.
It’s not fair.
He’s the one who fucked up, not me.
Stop.
“… so go, be free my child, and enjoy some dick,” she said when I tuned back in to the conversation.
“I’ve got to go. Mother’s hosting an event tomorrow and if this place isn’t spotless by tonight, she’ll have my head,” I said.
