“Really? You’ll go back?” Hadrian sounds so hopeful that I think I agree with Soren that hell has frozen over.
“It’s temporary,” I say more to myself than the others. “Just until my uncle’s murder is resolved and my money situation is figured out.”
“Yes,” Lex says, jaw ticking. “We’ll find a way to deal with everything as it comes. But first, we need to be sure no one can touch you.”
The irony is not lost on anyone. Hadrian chuckles at the choice of words, and Lex’s serious expression softens in a smile. Bellthorn is the last place to be if I want to make sureno onetouches me, but it’s okay. I’ll figure a way out of this like I always do. I just hope no one else dies in the process.
CHAPTER 29
PARKER
After Orionand I failed to find Sable, and I crashed my car into a tree, I returned to Bellthorn. It didn’t feel like I had many options left at that point, and Orion and I were going to wind up getting ourselves killed or accidentally killing someone else with all the crazy between the two of us. Since I’ve been here, I’ve poked every contact I have and searched for rocks that don’t even exist to turn, yet still nothing.
That’s when I decided it was time to start searching the forest. My feet pound across the path, and the icy air fills my lungs. I’m so far out now that no one could hear you scream if you were taken. I shout at the top of my lungs just to prove it.
“Sable!” If she were still out here, she likely would be dead, but I can’t stop looking. Parts of my body still hurt from that collision, but it’s not enough. Nothing will ever be enough until we get her back, but I’m growing more fearful by the day that she’s not okay, and I’ll have to keep my promise to Orion. Ten miles later, I’m headed back to Bellthorn, and I’m not sure if I’m more or less afraid after my search.
The halls are empty except for a few people as I walk back to my room. A few cheerleaders stand together in an alcove whispering, but I do my best to ignore them. Bellthorn gossipdoesn’t do much for me these days. Thankfully, none of them tries to talk to me, and I make it back without anyone bothering me. There are really only two things I want anymore: to find Sable and to be left alone.
This room used to be decorated in all the trophies and medals I’d won in my career as an athlete. Being the center of attention was everything to me once. They were not only a point of pride for me but also something I cherished deeply. Destroying them one by one has done nothing to whittle down the debt I owe. Sable may have been a true obsession, but I never knew she would change me so deeply.
I brought her here. I believed I could protect her. I did this.
One last trophy stands on the shelf. The one I’m most proud of and secretly hoped wouldn’t need to go. This championship game won me a full-ride scholarship to Notre Dame, not that I would have ever been allowed to take it, when the Hollow legacy belongs to Bellthorn. I’ve destroyed one for each day she’s been gone, and this is the last. The golden football player at the top smirks at me, like he thinks my life’s a fucking joke too. I’m going to take his whole head off.
Sweat drips down my body from my run. Testosterone and endorphins pump through me, but they aren’t doing the trick. I have to stretch to reach the top shelf where that damn trophy sits, but my hand closes around the metal. My teeth bare like an animal as I twist it between my fists. My insides scream for some relief, some goddamn answers.
“Where the fuck is she?” I ask the cold metal as I twist it, bending and crumpling instead of snapping it like I hoped. “Where the fuck is she?” I beg anyone who will listen.
My free hand moves to my T-shirt, exposing my stomach and displaying a series of bruises that started with the car crash and haven’t had a second to start healing since—I’ve made sure of it.My hand tightens around the mangled metal as I swing it into my midsection, the collision making a dull thudding sound.
The pain is so thick I can’t think through it. I keep silent as I swing again and again, not deserving the relief of vocalizing my suffering. My skin breaks from the rough edges of the base, and by the time I finally stop, my vision wavers. The endorphins from the run mix with these and set off a chain reaction, so much better than working out to the edge of my limits. For a moment, I feel a pleasant buzz rather than the constant misery. For a moment, I close my eyes and enjoy it.
When the buzz fades and I’m left with the reality of what I’ve done, I look down at my stomach. The split in my skin is deeper than I imagined, and blood gurgles rhythmically from it. I groan as I realize I need to apply pressure, or it won’t stop bleeding. I’m disgusted with myself, but still slightly buzzing as I find one of my dirty T-shirts and press it as hard as I can against the wound. It doesn’t have the same effect, and now it’s just sore.
The pain is good. It’s exactly what I deserve, and there’s a certain comfort in getting what’s coming to you, good or bad. I toss the trophy, tired of holding the weapon. It hits the wall and bounces off, spreading bits of my blood around the room.
“Hey, dumbass! Open up!” Orion’s voice comes from the other side of the door, and I curse his fucking timing.
His fists bang, and I know for a fact he won’t stop until I open it or walk down the hall proving I wasn’t inside to begin with. I’m not in the mood to see anyone, least of all him, but since I can’t magically teleport, I’m going to have to deal with him. I resent the shit out of him as I grab a clean black shirt, so that if I bleed through it, he won’t notice. Then I walk over to the door.
His fists pound against it, faster and faster with his frustration. If this were anyone else, I would absolutely beat the fuck out of them for this, but if he’s suffering half as much as I am, I know he’s absolutely losing his mind. Giving him a breakseems fair, but I have to take a deep steadying breath before I face him. I may enjoy taking my frustrations out on myself, but I would enjoy doing the same to him.
“What?” I say as I throw the door open. “What the fuck is so important you can’t text me?”
“What?” he says, eyebrows raising, fury and exasperation all over his face. “What do you mean by what?” he asks with disgust thick in his tone.
He shoulders himself in. He’s looking even more wired and frantic than the last time I saw him, and I’m really starting to get nervous for his sanity. He’s never been the most concerned with reality out of all of us, but lately, he’s seemed strange, even for Orion.
“Whatare you doing here?Whatdo you want?Whatthe fuck is your problem? An answer to any of those would work for me. You don’t have to bother with all of them.” I close the door behind him rather than shoving him back out despite the fact that I’m more than physically strong enough and kind of want to.
“You look like shit,” he says, making me reconsider my choice not to just toss him out. I take a deep, fortifying breath before turning his direction. I really might kill us both this time if I don’t, and what does it really matter anyway? If his brother finds us, it serves him right. If Lex does, he’s used to dead people. Hadrian wouldn’t care all that much since Soren was the one he liked best. If it happens, it happens, I decide as I turn to him.
“Thanks,” I say, noticing that he doesn’t look any better himself but having the social graces not to say it. Sometimes I don’t blame his father for preferring Soren. He does make it easy. I make my way back to the armchair, sitting heavily to wait until Orion moves on with his day and gets the fuck out of my room. I have plans to go back out into the woods and push myself to another brink.
“This place is disgusting.” He looks around, and I follow his lead.
It’s not just the destroyed trophies. In the days I’ve been back, I’ve managed to destroy the place. There hasn’t been a chance for the cleaning crew to deal with any of it since I’ve kept it locked and refused to let them in when I’m here. I’d have ignored Orion, too, but the damn pounding never would have stopped.
