“Well...” She looks at the table. “Are you sure?”
“Completely sure.”
“I had phone sex with Kyle last night.”
I clench the hand at my side that she can’t see into a fist, then flex it straight. Why did I offer to listen as a friend?
“And how do you feel about that this morning?” I ask.
She’s an adult. I can’t lecture or punish her into doing what I think she should.
“Conflicted.” She puts her hands over her face. “And guilty about being conflicted.”
She was jealous of Talia’s relationship with Kyle. He’s a charismatic, good-looking guy. She wanted what her sister had so much that she stole it. And now it’s blown up on her. But she’s my daughter, and I know the only way she’s going to get through this is with support.
“Are you thinking of going back to him?”
She shakes her head. “Not really? But I miss him. He keeps telling me how sorry he is, and I want to believe him.”
I don’t like the direction of this conversation, but I don’t let it show. “You want to, but you don’t?”
She sighs softly, putting her elbows on the table. “I don’t think he premeditated it the first time. He didn’t wake up thinking he was going to get pissed off and push me so hard I ended up on the ground. But his temper ... I think if he did it once, he’ll do it again.”
Talia, Lucien, and I have been telling her that, and it seems like she gets it, which is a relief.
“People can love each other and still not be good together,” I say.
“I know. I’m okay. I’m not going back to him. I’m just pissed at myself for letting him think he’s wearing me down.”
“I’ve got a thing this evening, but I’m free until then. You want to go do something? Ax throwing? Christmas shopping?”
“Thanks, but I’m going shopping with Talia and her friend Jules.”
The sound of her name is like a knife to my gut. It’s been hell seeing Jules almost every day at work and pretending I’m fine. Imiss her. It’s worst on road trips, when I know I could get to her room in a matter of minutes.
I miss her voice. Her soft, warm skin. Her hair brushing over my chest. Her laugh. I didn’t mean to fall so hard for her, but I can’t undo it. I know too much.
She’s strong, loyal, kind, and warm. Seeing the way she loves her sister and nephews hit me like a sledgehammer. At twenty-nine years old, Jules is more emotionally mature and grounded than many people twice her age.
People who have never met her adore her, and I know why. She’s beautiful and effervescent. The men who comment on her team videos need to be punched in the dick at least a hundred times, but I know why they do it.
That’s the only time I get to see her smile now—on her videos. I’ve been jerking off to her videos about leggings and eyeliner because it’s all I’ve got.
“Need some money?” I ask Audra.
“No, I’m good. Thanks for the talk, Dad.”
“Anytime. Want me to make you some breakfast?”
“We have an early lunch reservation.”
“Okay. Have fun. I’m having dinner with Hudson tonight, but I won’t be late.”
She heads upstairs and I start a pot of coffee, trying not to think about the breakfast I had with Jules, Blair, and Blair’s boys.
A big reason I didn’t want to go public about my relationship with Jules is that she might want kids. I already have four kids by two different women, and they’re almost all grown. I don’t want to start all over again at my age.
At least I thought I didn’t. But I also thought I never wanted to give a woman any emotional hold over me again, and now I’m fucking wrecked over one.
