The earth shifts beneath me. For nearly two weeks, I fought the undertow, convinced that wanting her was weakness, that maybe I had nothing left in me worth saving.
But she peered through the surface and called me out.
Saw me for what I am.
And still she stayed. She warned me, shielded me, and saved my life. She pressed against me, breath on my skin, and met my gaze without blinking.
“Was she wrong?” Alexei repeats himself, leaning forward to glance around Kolya. They’re both staring, damned knowing smiles on their faces.
I want to deny it, just because of who asked.
But I can’t.
“Of course she wasn’t. She knew what I was from the jump. You heard my report. I kidnapped her. Killed people right in front of her. She flinched but never looked away.” I remember how she tried to rewrite reality into something less traumatic.
Shit. I’m an idiot. That was all a mask. Making me think she was too spacey to be a threat. Or a witness. She was playing me from the beginning. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to break her that she finally opened up.
And wanted to be with me.
The lump ofkholodnoin my chest, leftover from my childhood, thaws. A new shape forms out of old ache.
Maybe I’m not just the weapon Roman crafted. Maybe giving our relationship a shot is worth the risk.
For her.
The restless past lingers, but Jordan is out there, alone, her only shield the miles I put between us.
I ball my hands into fists.
“Where is she?” Valeria Kozlov, Mikhail’s daughter, looms in the doorway. She wasn’t there two seconds ago.
The untouchable princess of the house. She shines with too much radiance for this place and what we represent. Valeria’s expensive black dress shimmers in the light. She has her wavy brown hair yanked back, piled high on her head. Her hazel eyes scan the room, unsettled. She doesn’t belong here—not in this dark, heavy air—but she’s as stubborn as the rest of us.
I flick my hand at nothing, brushing away the question. Jordan’s gone. That’s all that matters now. The details won’t change a thing.
Valeria, though, doesn’t back down. “Did you like her?”
I tighten my jaw and avert my gaze.
There’s no answer for that. No vocabulary for whatever Jordan means to me, for my feelings for her.
“Like” is a watered-down thing. Jordan came in like a storm and upended everything. Tore through my walls. Saw the mess and wanted more.
“Like” is not even close to what I feel for her.
My twitching expression must answer for me. Valeria’s eyes dart to Alexei and Kolya before returning to me. “Did you love her?”
My hands close to fists, nails digging deep.
There.
The word I’ve refused to examine.
Love.
As if any syllable could contain what Jordan did to my head, my chest, or my pulse. Not just because of her body, but also her laugh. Her gaze. The way she saw through every inch of me. The way she made me yearn for things I shouldn’t even think about.
“She didn’t belong with me.” I seek help from Alexei and Kolya. They both owe me, yet they just grin at me like useless dolts. “I’m all bad. She’s…all good.”
