A strange, unfamiliar feeling washes over me. A feeling I can’t name.
It’s a feeling I immediately push away.
Feelings are a liability.They’re a weakness.
I can't afford to be weak.
Not now.
Not ever.
Not again.
I have rules for a reason.
And I just broke the most important one.
Don't get involved.
Not emotionally.
Not with a subordinate.
Not with someone who works for me.
And definitely not with someone like her.
Someone who’s smart, and funny, and so fucking strong it makes my chest ache.
Someone who could break me.
No.
I won't let that happen.
I can't.
I won't survive it a second time.
I pull back, just a little, creating a sliver of space between us. The loss of her warmth is a physical blow.
Her eyes flutter open, and she looks at me, a question in their depths. "What is it?"
"Nothing," I say, my voice a little too cool, a little too distant. "We should get dressed."
Her smile falters. "Oh."
I see the flicker of hurt in her eyes before she can hide it, and it hits me like a punch to the gut.
I’m an asshole.
A selfish, heartless asshole.
But it’s better this way.
For her.
And for me.
