Chapter Twenty-Four
Adam
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TIME HAD BLED INTOendless moments of protracted pain.I always knew there would be some terrible price to pay for humiliating a man like Ian, for running away and pissing all over what he said he stood for, but I’d never really considered how I would deal with that cost until I’d been stripped of my jacket and shirt and the first brutal lash had burned across my skin.
Whipping, like the sort I’d been an unwilling recipient of, was a frequent punishment at Fortorus.Mitchell and the other inane commanders under my command had sent women to the punishment post every morning for similar treatment, stripping them and masturbating over their torment.Yet it had taken until that moment—untilIwas the one bracing for the relentless and vicious strikes—to really understand how severe the penance was.
The whip’s tail had sliced into what felt like the same section of my back repeatedly, almost reducing me to tears.Somehow, I’d gritted my teeth and pushed down the strangled emotion, but my cries had been scarily close to the surface.
It was Caroline I’d thought of whenever the tail had landed, her face appearing in my mind as the pain seared across my skin.Kneeling there, I accepted that I was enduring the ordeal for her just as much as the ICC and any potential chances of reducing my sentence and incriminating Ian.Taking the pain for her was cathartic somehow, delivering something we both needed; a sense that I was getting what I deserved, and perhaps, if the monolithic entity in the sky so many talked about was actually real, a path toward my redemption.
After so many years of complicity, I realized I needed both.It was no longer enough to merely throw recriminations Ian’s way.I had to accept my part in everything that had taken place.I’d rolled over when I had a voice, and I’d backed down when I could have stood up to him.Worse, I’d accepted the role at Fortorus, enjoying the glory and prestige of being commander general while so many suffered around me.
Despite my pain and the suffocating fear the whip had provoked, a part of me recognized the truth, a candor it had been easy to disregard while we’d been on the run.Ididmerit the humiliating punishment being heaped upon me, and I knew neither Caroline nor the ICC had the balls to hand it out.In the end, it had taken the ultimate irony that Ian, the man whose idea the entire terrible regime had been, needed to be the one who provided my redemption.If I ever got off that damn ship, Caroline’s love would save me, but I’d needed Ian’s cruelty to offer deliverance.
Just hold on.My eyes slid closed at the solidifying thought.
If I could just hold on, just keep passively receiving what Ian had to give, then perhaps I could balance the scales, moving the needle and paying back a fraction of the hurt I’d caused.I couldn’t save all the incarcerated women or take back the pain and loss they’d all endured, but I could get through the onslaught, and maybe, in some small way, that demonstrated my desire for forgiveness—not from Ian, but from those who truly counted.
Resting my head against my bicep, I risked a small sigh.With the cameras temporarily paused, I had a chance to reset.
My back was wet at the cruelty of the whip, sticky with what I assumed was my blood, and my mind flitted back to my initial encounter with Caroline, recalling how she had been caught out of bed and running across the camp to garner medical treatment for her friend, Fern.Fern, too, had been whipped, but her wounds had become infected.I frowned at the notion of wounds like the ones I’d received being allowed to fester and become infected.At least I had hope for a reprieve, a plan that I’d get out of the situation.How many others had suffered similar hideous fates on the grounds of Fortorus while I had been in charge there?Chained to the punishment post in the freezing wind and knowing that no one was coming to save them?
The answer caught in the back of my throat, threatening to choke me.
Too fucking many.
“Fuck.”I muttered the word, contrition and agony merging to fuel me as I tried to shift position.
My shoulders were aching, not only from the lashing they’d received, but due to the length of time they’d been expected to remain hoisted up beside my ears.My years of privilege meant I wasn’t used to being bound, and even before the new order, bondage had rarely been a kink I’d enjoyed.I hoped that being thrust in front of Ian’s cameras would be the first and last time I found myself in the position.
The sentry who’d wielded the whip was still lurking to my side, and those working the numerous cameras were also present, but with their mighty leader departed, none of them seemed especially interested in me.I was merely the star of the latest sickening show; a highlight reel they could boast about at a later time.None of them cared about my wellbeing or seemed to pay attention to my profanity.In fact, the more I tuned out of my suffering and into their conversations, the more I sensed they were growing confused about Ian’s behavior.His abrupt departure had seemingly not been part of the plan.
“What’s going on?”the one behind the camera in front of me asked no one in particular.“I thought he’d booked us for this all morning?”
All morning?
