At least if he’s in prison, he’s alive.
That contradicted hope was an illustration of how conflicted my feelings had become.I loved him and I wanted to keep him safe, even if that meant his incarceration.Yet, at the same time, I accepted that real love needed to be free to thrive.I couldn’t keep him by trying to control him.He’d liberated me, and he merited the same.
“The doctor will see sense.”His tone was predictably calm.
“And if she does.”I wanted to lean down and kiss him while I still had the chance, but I longed to make the most of those fleeting moments of privacy.Soon, Kaspar and the others would return with news, and news would mean commitments and, eventually, the potential for loss.
My loss, his loss.Ourloss.
“I can’t bear to think about what that mad sod might do to you once you’re out there on the channel.”
“Iwillbe okay.”
He slowed his words, enunciating them as though I were a panicked child.I might have resented the inference more had the more leisurely pace not somehow succeeded in lulling me, at least a little.I sensed my heart slow as his fingers gripped mine, and even though there was little logic, I was reassured.
“You can’t know that.”I made the same appeal again, perturbed by how little conviction there was in my voice the second time around.Even then, at that most precarious moment, Harper had such enormous influence over me.Not because he was in charge of my destiny anymore—if anything, our fates had reversed in the last few days—but because of how much I bloody loved him.Falling for him had made me vulnerable in a new way.It was no longer my mortality on the line, but something even more precious; my heart.“Neither of us knows what Jackson will do.”
“I’ve been dealing with that little prick my whole life, sweetheart.”He tugged my fingers toward his mouth and skimmed a hot kiss over my knuckles.My eyelids flickered closed at the heat of his breath, wishing I could feel it between my legs instead of over my fingers.“I know how to placate him and when to put him back in his box.”
“I’d like to see him in a box,” I grumbled.
“I understand.”Laughing softly, he yanked me closer, wrapping his arms around me and stroking my lower back.“But will you take seeing him confined to a prison somewhere instead?The ICC doesn’t condone the death penalty.”
“I suppose so.”Succumbing to his temptation, I took his face in my hands and brushed my palms over his soft stubble.“I just love you so much.It seems like we’re putting everything on the line to bring this fucker down.”
“It’ll be worth it.”He turned and kissed the palm of one of my hands.“And I’ll finally be doing something noble in the process.”
“Saving me was noble.”My voice was husky as, climbing onto his lap, I straddled his thighs.The edge of his hospital bed should have been an inappropriate place to have mounted him, but after our romp in the shower, I was unconcerned.
“Yes.”He stared up at me and smiled.“And I’m partly doing this for you, too, little girl.”
“How so?”
God, he was attractive.Even then, after almost dying only a couple of days before and knowing the onerous task that potentially lay ahead, he was easily the most gorgeous guy I’d ever laid eyes on.
It was such a headfuck to know the only reason we were together was because of that hellhole, Fortorus.In a dark and deeply flawed way, Jackson was the reason we’d found one another.
“I thought you were doing this for the ICC?”I queried.“For all those other women, and in the end, for your freedom.”
“Bringing Ian in is for every shitty deed he ever executed, Caroline.For every twisted idea, for every derogatory order, and for every evil outcome, but it’s also about me, about my compliance in the awful things he’s created.”He paused, his expression serious.“Maybe I need to pay for what I’ve done, too.”
“Pay?”My voice suddenly sounded tiny.“You’re doing this to try and avoid paying with jail time, Sir.”
“There are other ways to pay.”His voice was quieter, too.“Ian won’t let me wander back into his life without some sort of consequences, and maybe I deserve them.It’s time to pay the piper.”
His brow rose as though he was waiting for me to counter the point, but staring at him, I found I couldn’t.Hewasresponsible, at least in part, for what was happening in Britain, but the idea of something terrible happening to him was terrifying.“The commander general will finally be held to account.This will be justice for you, too, little girl.”
I hesitated, imagining the man I loved being humbled so that the man who’d tried to rule over Britain could finally be brought to heel.The mental imagery was perturbing and yet darkly satisfying in equal measure.“I hadn’t thought about it that way, Sir.”
One of my hands slid to his nape as his palm lowered to squeeze my ass and, unthinkingly, I surrendered to my will and planted a slow and sensual kiss on his lips.He groaned at the gesture, his grip on me tightening as he lowered us both slowly back on to the bed covers.
“Once this is done, after it’s done, we can finally start to move on.”Gazing up at me, his lips twitched into a smile.“I can’t wait for a future with you, instead of only having a past.”
“How about the present?”Rolling my hips down against his growing excitement, I was rewarded with a sharp swat to my upturned ass.
“Mmmm.”He buried his fingers in my hair, controlling me as I stole kisses.“The present seems almost perfect.”
For one flawless moment, our lips collided.We shared an unhurried moment of passion as he smoldered on the hospital bed.He was no closer to being ready for the recording should the doctor acquiesce with the absurd plan, and I was no more accepting of the fact he’d need to leave me behind should the odious Jackson take his bait, but there and then, none of that mattered.
