I peel his fingers away from my waist.
“I don’t want your slimy hands on my body, anyway.”
I regret the words the minute they leave my mouth. Irvin gets up from the bed and hits the light switch. I yank the blankets over my body. Irvin grabs his laptop from the nightstand and types on it, probably working on his term papers.
Everyone is stressing about midterms as they make up half the final grade. Shaking my head, I turn onto my side and inhale his scent. He smells so fucking good. I’m starting to hate myself, wanting to cry. I don’t want to crave him.
Fuck.
I look up and watch him remove his shirt. He runs his fingers through his hair, and his abs flex without him being aware. He continues typing, tongue sticking out of his mouth. He knows what he’s doing, and I’m sick of it.
I’m sick of him playing mind games with me. I’m sick of him acting like he’s in control. Because I’m still in control.
Fuck it.
I remove the blanket from my body, strip out of my nightgown, and snatch the laptop, placing it back on the nightstand. Then I straddle him. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but rage overtakes my body. He’s pissing me off more by the second. Bastard. Him and his smirks.
I mash my mouth to his, but he pushes me off of him and onto the bed.
“You don’t want to fuck me, remember?”
I shut him up with another kiss. He doesn’t realize how much control I have over him. And he’s talking too much. I whip out his dick, slide my panties to the side, and sit on him. He groans.
“Well, I’m horny and I need sex. And you’re being an asshole.”
I ride the shit out of him. Then I feel him coming inside me, and he lays me down on my back, slamming into me hard, sliding in and out. I moan his name as he keeps thrusting inside me.
“Just admit that you love me, Lilac.”
“No. Never. Fuck me hard,” I moan. “You don’t tell me what to do, Irvin.”
I look back at him, and a smile ghosts his lips.
“I’m not, princess.”
He comes inside me again, then lies next to me. We’re quiet, and the only thing I hear is the analog clock on the wall. I’m confused, my emotions are all over the place. I feel as if he trapped me, that he allowed me to go this far. He usually acts like he’s the one in charge, and he didn’t fight me. I think I played into a trap, but I don’t know. I understand my emotions: pride, fear, anger. For once, I took from him like he always takes from me. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing. I know I won this war.
I breathe in hard, then stare at him. He has a smug look on his face. I slip on my sweatshirt and sweatpants, then watch him as he smiles.
I think I fucked up. I don’t know what to do anymore.
“I need to go for a run.”
He grins. “Why?”
I square my shoulders. “Don’t worry about it.”
I slam the door shut.
I’m still in control.
I think.
Lilac
Istare at Irvin as he places the vape between his lips. He blows smoke from the corner of his mouth. I want to hurt him emotionally. I’m tired of the games, and if he keeps it up, I might do something I regret—but now I have a plan, and I want to see if it’s going to work.
I get up from the bed, slide on a sweater and jeans, then pull on my jacket with the school logo on it. I rush to the walk-in closet and toss clothes into a suitcase. I’m only pretending to leave to hurt him. He made me promise not to bring up leaving him. Well… I lied. Some promises are meant to be broken, especially the ones I made to Irvin.
