My chest tightens. I inhale deeply.
He hops on his bike, hands me a helmet, and I take it and climb on.
Anxiety rides through my veins as we coast through North Haven. The air is thick and foggy. I feel every vibration of the bike between my legs. I slide my hands under his shirt, rubbing his hard muscles. I’m so fucking horny I can’t even think straight.
He doesn’t stop me. Instead, he squeezes my hand tight, briefly, then lets go.
Once we’re inside the mansion, we stare at each other for a moment. I fight my urges, rocking back and forth on the soles of my shoes.
Why do I feel like an addict when it comes to Irvin? Why am I drawn to him in a way I can’t describe? I’ve never been this way about a man—not even Emerson.
Irvin strokes the bottom of my chin but remains silent. He thinks he can control me. He thinks I’m falling for him. He thinks I love him. Is this why he’s doing this? Trying to prove that I love him? I wouldn’t put it past him.
I step back, putting distance between us.
“I’m not falling in love with you, Irvin.”
A dark smirk curls across his face as he steps forward. “Is that so? What would make you say that?”
My palms sweat, and my cheeks heat. “This is why you’re doing it. To prove a point. I keep disobeying you, and you keep ignoring me.” I pause. “I’m not falling inlovewith you.”
“You’re not, Lilac?” He smiles. “You’re upset that I’m ignoring you. If you didn’t care about me, you wouldn’t care if I’m ignoring you.”
“It’s common decency to not ignore people. It’s rude.” I roll my eyes, but a lump forms in my chest nonetheless. “You’re an arrogant fuck.”
“Really? You were just trying to fuck me.”
I shrug. “It’s only sex between us. I might admit I have feelings for you, but I’m notfallingfor you.”
This time, I don’t know how true my words are. I mean… I don’t think I am.
I smile viciously. “If we weren’t married and you didn’t have this ridiculous rule of not fucking other people,” my chest aches, “I would fuck someone else. Probably the hot football player in my statistics class.”
I hope my words get a rise out of him, but they don’t. If so, he’s not showing it.
Lunatic.
He grips my neck in the way I like. “You and I both know there’s more than sex between us. We both know the real truth.” He sighs. “I let you think you’re in control, my princess.”
Irvin lets go and heads upstairs, and I grab his arm.
“C-can you…”
I slide my fingers into his, and he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it.
He smirks. “Can I what, princess?”
I bite the inside of my cheek, ashamed of what I want to ask. “We haven’t had sex since you got back from your trial.”
“So?”
“Can you at least give me head?”
He leans down and kisses my forehead. “No.”
“Please.”
Another kiss. “No.”
