I’m not going to put myself in this situation ever again, and me being with him is me excusing what he did. It’s how it started with my parents. My mom would look the other way with my father, and I’m not going to repeat the same behavior. My aunt was right—this was a bad idea.
“I have to go,” I tell him. “I have to get out of here.”
“You’re not the reason why… I chose to do it. And if you ask me, he’s better off dead.”
My vision is blurred with tears. “You lied to me. You said you never killed anyone outside your contracts.”
“I never lied to you. This is the first time I did it, and if someone were to lay their hands on you, I’d do it again. I’ve never broken my code for anyone.” He tosses the bottle to the ground, and it smashes into a thousand pieces. “Sometimes, I beg not to love you. Not to fall for you so I can avoid this pain. You’re breaking me piece by piece, and I can’t take it. I can’t handle it.”
This will be the hardest thing I ever did, to let go of the one I love. He’s my first love, my first everything, and I never knew how hard heartbreak could be. I never knew it could cause so much pain. So much agony.
He takes a step forward and another one and another one until he’s hovering over me. His breath smells like alcohol as he leans down and brushes a kiss to my forehead, and I close my eyes. When I open them again, he uses the back of his thumb to wipe my tears. I hadn’t realized tears were falling down my cheeks.
“We need a break. I need time to process this. I can’t do this.”
“So you’re leaving me?” Disappointment laces his tone, and I revert my pupils to his. They’re pleading with me not to go. That we can fix whatever mess we’re in. I want to believe we can, but I don’t want to be reminded of the pain I caused to someone else’s life. Mr. Arthur had a wife who he adored and loved, and now her husband was taken away from her because Raven decided to open her mouth. But I’m not mad at her at all because she was only doing what a friend was supposed to do. Eventually, he would have found out.
The last thing I want to do is break his heart. I never want to hurt Viper. He’s sweet and caring and loving and treats me like gold. And in his way, he’s acting out of love, but he can’t go around taking someone’s life because they harmed me.
“No… yes I am. I’ll stay at Raven’s until I can clear my head. I need time to think. What you did was wrong.”
He stares into my face as if he’s trying to memorize it. He slides a few strands of my hair behind my ear and lifts my chin. “I thought I’d found someone who would accept me for who I am, and I guess I was wrong. No one sticks with me through this type of lifestyle and who I am. So leave like the rest of them. I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong too.”
Sadness eclipses his face, and he glances back out to the city. He’s so wrong. I’m not leaving him for who he is; I’m leaving because I’m confused about the situation, and I need time to process what happened and to figure out what I want.
I wrap my arms around his waist, but he doesn’t return the hug. I stand on my tippy-toes to kiss him on the cheeks before I head to the glass door and open it.
“I hope you find someone to love you the way I love you.”
“In what way?” I say, not turning around. If I do, then I’m going to give in to my heart. I’m going to go back to him, and I’m not in the state of mind to accept what he did.
“Unconditionally.”
Exhaling, tears fall down my cheek like a water hose, and I feel as if I’ve been punched in the chest.
“Don’t worry about moving out. You can stay here and have the condo. I don’t want you to go back to that dump of an apartment. I’m out of here.”
“Where are you going?” I ask.
He doesn’t respond as he leans down, kisses my forehead, then leaves.
Three weeks later
Autumn
All I can do is think about Viper, in everything that I do. When Raven and I try a new restaurant, I’d think Viper would like this food. He’s not a picky eater. I’m so torn about our breakup. Did I make the right choice? I don’t know. Sometimes I feel as if I didn’t, but Aunt Savannah is right. If I’m not careful, I could end up like my mother.
“You’re an idiot for breaking up with him,” Raven says, sipping her mint tea. “Do you know how many people would kill for a guy to do anything to protect them? I can name a few from the top of my head.”
“I think I made the right choice,” I say, unsure. We’re sitting on a brown bench at Central Park. We were supposed to go to the zoo, but it’s going to rain, and I don’t want to be stuck there like last time. The wind blows, and the thick tree branches shake as few people stroll past us.
“Really? Because it sure doesn’t sound like it.” She shakes her head. “I think what you have with him is so real, and I’ve never seen you smile the way you do with him or the way your eyes light up when we speak about him. Do you really think it’s worth throwing away your relationship with him? Because of some stupid moral compass? I’m not saying to compromise yourself and become a killer. But what I’m saying is he’s not perfect—you’re not either—and I’d hate for you to make a bad decision because of something he did.”
“But Mr. Arth—”
She waves her hand, cutting me off. “I’m tired of hearing about it. He deserved it. The justice system has failed us in New York City, and they don’t protect women like they should. He would walk away scot-free because of what he did. I know it. You know it. So, go get your man,please, and stop destroying your sanity and mine. And I’m tired of you asking me to call Fox so you can get information on him.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to turn out like my mother. I didn’t want to fa—”
