But when we’re alone, something is different.
She makes me thinkIcould be different.
“You’ve never asked me out,” Willa says, like she’s reading my mind.
I look away, clearing my throat. “I’m no good for you, Willa Elliott.”
I’m no good for anyone. Tate has made that clear, drilling it into me one punch at a time. Forcing Kincaid to sit in the chair in the kitchen and watch. Now that Mom is too sick to get up and do anything about it, it’s getting worse.
Willa bites her lower lip. “Maybe I’m no good for you.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
A smile climbs her face. “Really?”
“I’m a fucking mess, Willa. And you… you deserve so much more than that.”
“Like what?”
“A guy who treats you right. Who cares if you’re sad and makes it better, not worse.” I meet her gaze, and I should probably stop talking, but I can’t seem to help it.
“Are you saying you can’t be that guy?”
“Things are a fucking mess right now.”
“Your mom?”
I swallow hard, nodding, but don’t answer. I can’t, or I’ll scream, and I’ve been doing good keeping it together for my brother.
“You just deserve better than me,” is what I say instead.
“And what do you deserve, Dean?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
Willa frowns, but it’s the truth, so I don’t take it back. So long as Kincaid gets through this shit without screwing up everything he’s got going on, I’ll consider that a win. So long as I can still get Willa to smile even on a day like this, it doesn’t matter what I’m going through.
Silence floods the barn. The ranch is so quiet this time of night. Our feet sway, boots tapping every so often with how close we’re sitting.
Willa rests her hand over mine on the beam, brushing her thumb across my knuckles. “I’m sorry life is shit sometimes.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Willa starts to shift like she’s going to stand up and leave, so I flip our grips, snagging her hand and stopping her. Her eyes widen like she thinks I might kiss her, and while I want to more than anything in the world, I don’t. I can’t help but do right by this girl, and she’s hurting so deeply right now, I know that’s not what she really needs.
“If I were capable of being that guy, Willa, then I’d be him for you. For you, I’d be anything.”
She swallows hard. “Why?”
“Because you’re the kind of girl you get your shit together for.”
I’m acting like an insecure teenager. Avoiding Willa like the plague. Coming in my pants when she ground against me at the club. What the hell is wrong with me?
The second Willa is in my reach, I lose all self-control. I managed to shut down my feelings for her when she rejected me when I was eighteen, but all it took was one night for me to slip right back into that man who can’t get her out of his head.
No one understands me like she does. No one knows all my secrets like her—past and present. Which is the problem. She knows what fucked me up beyond repair years ago, and there’s no denying I’m still a total mess.
Maybe that’s why she’s still hanging around. Chasing the thrill. I might not be any good at stability, but I can let loose with the best of them. What if that’s what Willa wants from me—something to soothe her breakup? An excuse to check out of her perfect life back in Texas for a little while. A reason to unleash before she returns home.
