He’d disappeared for a handful of minutes, returned with a computer, and then after cracking his knuckles, off to work he’d gone.
I’d taken a seat at the table beside him, plunking down heavily as I watched him do his thing, eagerly hoping he’d be able to give me an answer.
My eyes stung with the need to sleep, but I guessed that was what happened after rest evaded me.
My angel haunted my waking hours. She made me hope. And that was toxic for a man like me.
Another addiction that waited in the wings…
Fingers still flying, Conor remarked, “You don’t lookso good. The last thing I need is the Sicilians’ Capo dropping dead in my kitchen, Stan.”
“If I drop, it’ll be to sleep. I haven’t gotten much downtime since my doctors discharged me from the hospital. All work and rehab—not-so-fun times.” When he hummed, I rubbed my chin. “This is driving me crazy. Once I have my answers, then I can go to sleep.”
“You still think you won’t see anyone standing in the doorway? Angels don’t typically wear scrubs, Stan.”
“I need it to be an angel.”
“Catholics,” he muttered. “Why is it always about spiritual entities from our unimaginative revelation-based belief system?”
“Because we have a lot of sins to atone for?”
“Fair.” He paused mid-hack to skewer me with a look. “Would it be so wrong for you to want another woman?”
“You sound like Luciu. Would you forget Star?”
“No. But I don’t think it’s about ‘forgetting.’ Time passes and that doesn’t equal forgetting. The woman you lost will always be a part of your life. Especially if this drug you’re creating in her honor works.”
It took a lot more guts than it should to rasp, “Evangeline.”
Conor, understanding the sacrifice of naming her, gentled his tone. “Evangeline won’t ever stop being the inspiration for it and the reason that other people will have medication to save them.”
“So, if Star died tomorrow, you’d wait a few years before?—”
“Starisn’tdying tomorrow. Star isn’t going anywhere for sixty fucking years at least. But this isn’t about me. Evangeline wasn’tyours. You weren’t in a relationship. You weren’t married. You didn’t share a house and never went to bed with her. You didn’t make a life with her, Stan. You were friends. Good friends. But not the closest?—”
Knowing that he was right didn’t stop me from demanding, “And you learned that how?”
“Jennifer told Star and I listened in to their conversation.”
My glower turned ferocious. “We were close in our own way.”
“How could you be? She was a lot younger than you. She probably thought you were cute. You know, how girls that age do witholder guys. They go through that phase where they can date you or your son.Oryour dad.” He turned to stare at me. “You could have had brotherly feelings for her, but because that’s weird with the daughter of your housekeeper, you decided that you werein lovewith her. That was easy for your brain to normalize in our fucked-up mob world.
“Whatever your feelings for her, you don’t know if she reciprocated them—you’ll never know either.”
I didn’t want to admit those words struck a chord. “That doesn’t diminish what she meant to me.”
“No, I agree, but like I said before, you’re not forgetting her. Moving on is a part of life. It has to be. Or what’s the point? You finish creating this drug and then what? Kill yourself? I mean, if that’s what you want to do, then that’s what you want to do, but do you? Really?
“This situation is driving you nuts because your body has clearly made the decision for you—you’re ready to move on. Instead of listening to it, you’re choosing to believe that your mind is playing tricks on you because you can’t accept that you might be attracted to another woman. Which,” he pondered, “is pretty fucked up. Especially as you didn’t have that deep of a connection with her?—”
“Since when are you a shrink?” I snarled, but I didn’t shove away from the tableorslam his head into the surface.Orstick my knife into his throat.
“I’ve always been wiser than my years,” he mocked, but his fingers stopped firing on all cylinders. “You sure you want proof that you were attracted to a real woman and not a humanoid with wings?”
“What?!”
“I’m in and I’ve located the footage.”
