“You said that you were sorted into an outcome, trained and deployed on missions. But you’re not on a mission now, Iris. You chose to stay here. You chose to accept my dinner invitation. Youchose to tell me about your past.” I stepped closer, close enough to see the slight dilation of her pupils. “At what point do you start believing that you get to choose your own feelings?”
“They don’t control my feelings,” she said, frowning.
“Then you do.” I smiled at her. I suspected my colors had shifted to the warm golds and oranges that reflected what I felt. “And I should tell you that I don’t plan to stop pursuing you. Unless you tell me flat out not to. Unless you tell me you’re not interested.”
I waited.
She said nothing.
Her dark eyes searched my face, looking for something I couldn’t name. Her lips parted slightly, but no words came out. She stood there, frozen between retreat and advance, caught in a moment of indecision that I suspected was entirely new to her.
What I did next was what my gut told me to do. I drew her into a hug.
The motion was slow, giving her time to pull away if she wanted. She didn’t. I wrapped my arms around her gently, carefully. She needed to know she was precious, and maybe a little more breakable than she thought. She was small in my embrace, her head squarely on my breastbone. Her body was tense with uncertainty.
I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her hair. That confusing mix of blaster ozone and flowers. Sharp and sweet.
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, tentatively, her arms came around me. Her hands pressed against my back, light at first, then firmer. And her body shuddered, a single tremor that ran through her like a wave breaking against a shore.
I held her through it, letting her feel the warmth of me, the steadiness, the safety. Letting her know, without words, that she could have this. That she deserved this. That someone wantedto hold her without asking for anything in return. Protect this female. The sensation rose up like a wave in my chest. Fierce, vicious, half-unhinged.
It was almost laughable to think that this female, who could kill me right now in twelve different ways, needed protection. But that’s what my instincts screamed at me. The mating marks would not be long, now. I’d have to tell her. Have to face it myself.
When I pulled back, her expression was both guarded and brokenly vulnerable. Her eyes were bright, though no tears fell. Her lips pressed together as if holding back words she wasn’t ready to say.
“The government system that made you an operative doesn’t own you,” I said gently. “You can feel whatever you want.”
“I know that. I…” She trailed off. Confusion flickered across her features. “I’m just me.”
I placed my hands on her shoulders, feeling the tension in her muscles, the rigidity of someone who wasn’t used to being touched. But she didn’t pull away. “Perhaps that’s all I expect you to be.”
I would push no further. Not tonight. I had given her enough to process, enough to consider. The rest would come in time.
I made a slight bow, the kind my mother had taught me for showing respect to someone you valued. Then I turned and walked away, leaving her at the door of her building.
The streets were quiet as I made my way toward my own quarters in the D’tran town. I’d moved into a small, unoccupied hut after I’d made the decision to stay for a while. There was a lightness in my chest that hadn’t been there before. The stars blazed overhead, and the cool air felt good against my skin. My colors shifted through shades of gold and amber, reflecting the warmth that filled my chest.
I was feeling hopeful.
Iris had not rejected me. She hadn’t pushed me away or insisted that she wasn’t interested. She had let me hold her and held me back. Had trembled in my arms like someone experiencing something she’d thought forever lost to her.
My mating marks would appear soon. I was certain of it. The bond was there, I could feel it, waiting just beneath the surface. When it did, when those marks burned into my skin and announced to the world that I had found my true mate, I wanted Iris to be ready.
Ready to believe that she could have something more than duty and training and walls built high enough to keep out the world.
I smiled as I walked, the warmth in my chest spreading through my entire body.
She was opening up. Slowly, carefully, like a flower unfolding one petal at a time. But it was happening. This was going to be a challenge. But then again, the best things usually were.
I could wait. She was worth waiting for.
CHAPTER 9
IRIS
Afull day with Baleck. Two days after my pleasant dinner with Baleck, that’s what Sophie had arranged, citing the need for me to “fully understand D’tran culture and territory for comprehensive security assessments.”
I knew better than to think Sophie was matchmaking. Most of my feedback from her and my other superiors included things about how I do not integrate into my surroundings. Recommendations included never putting me on missions that involve an operative blending in. This exercise today was likely an effort at training me. Whatever. Orders were orders.
