“Get up,” I croaked.
“No.” He shook his head violently, his hair falling around his face in chaotic strands he didn’t bother to push out of the way.
“Get up,” I said louder, taking a half-step towards him before rooting myself in place.
“Not until you listen to me.”
I threw my hands up in the air and let out a tiny sound part frustration, part devastation, because God forbid I ever be fully healed from this man.
“Every day,” he repeated, dropping his hands to his thighs. “Every day is how often I thought about calling you. About getting on a plane and going wherever you were. Every. Fucking. Day.”
“Then why didn’t you?” My fingers clenched in the folds of my robe.
“I couldn’t.”
“Bullshit,” I snapped.
“I couldn’t!” His voice cracked on the word, and whatever rebuke I’d been about to fling back at him fell at my feet, denials broken in to so many little pieces.
Jihoon fell into a silence so loaded it felt explosive. I watched him warily.
In the next moment, his face crumpled before he seemed to drag some measure of resolve from deep down, cementing it into something more resolute.
“Will it help you to have an answer to what happened? I don’t expect you to forgive me, but…” He closed his eyes. “Will it help?”
Air whooshed out of me like the words had hit me in the sternum.
An answer? What answer could there possibly be?
“What more is there to say?” I rasped. “You left me. You decided you didn’t love me anymore. End of story.” I flung my arms out as I threw the words at him.
He reeled back on his heels, as though my words had hit their mark, staring up at me.
“Is that what you thought? That I stopped loving you?”
I laughed, but it burned my throat.
“What was I supposed to think? You literally told me you didn’t love me anymore.” I covered my face with my hands, taking a second to calm down, before dropping them back down to my sides.
“What the fuck are we doing here, Joon? What’s the point of this? Didn’t you hurt me enough the first time? What, are you just back for round two? Really hammer the point home? Fuck!”
My hands clawed through my hair as I began pacing back and forth.
Why wouldn’t he just get up and leave?
But he didn’t get up, only pivoted to keep me in his sights, like he couldn’t take his eyes off me.
“Jagiya-”
“–Don’t call me that,” I warned, turning to look at him for long enough to make myself clear, before tearing my gaze away as I continued pacing.
He paused, inhaling deeply before saying, “That is not what I said. I never stopped loving you.”
I stumbled, but caught myself. Just like I’d been catching myself for the past three, damn years.
“You said-”
He cut me off.
