‘Oh, you didn’t. Trust me, I was hoping for a reason to stop.’
There’s a calmness that radiates from Caroline that is so different from the Rettlings I’ve mixed with over the last twenty-four hours. Even the lovely ones. Probably because she’s not worrying if she’s going to survive. It’s refreshing to see.
‘Do you work here?’ I ask.
She shakes her head. ‘No. Normally I work in people’s homes when I’m scribing, and sometimes in the palace or court. Basically, wherever I’m required. It’s just with Rohan that I have to work down here. His family have had enough of hearing his stories, and unsurprisingly, people aren’t too keen to hear him in other parts of the library.’
‘He doesn’t actually believe what he’s saying, does he?’
‘Very much. It’s interesting what people believe, isn’t it?’
Her eyes drift away, and when they return to me, there’s a strange intensity in her gaze. Then it’s gone.
‘I’m not sure you’re going to find anybody who actually works here in this part of the library,’ she says. ‘But I can try to help. I’ve spent a scary amount of time down here over the last five years.’
‘Thank you. I’m Rose,’ I say, stretching out my hand. She looks a similar age to me. Perhaps older, around twenty-six. ‘And you’re Caroline?’
‘Yeah. Nice to meet you. I’m guessing since you came down from the barracks’ arc that you’re a Rettling?’
‘Yeah.’ The word leaves my lungs with a sigh. ‘I am.’
From the way she presses her lips together, I know she wants to ask questions about the Retterheld, but after this morning, I’m not entirely sure I can deal with them.
‘I know you’ve only been here for a couple of days, but have you had a chance to get to know many of the others?’ she asks softly, eyes apprehensive.
‘A few,’ I tell her. ‘Why? Do you know someone who was accepted?’
She lifts her thumb to her mouth and bites the nail. ‘I’m not sure. I have a couple of friends from home who I think may have gone in for the offering.’
‘Where are you from? I might recognise the names.’
‘The Eastern Isles?’ she says hopefully.
A hollowness consumes my stomach and heart, and all I can think about is Coulter’s face as the priestesses dragged him away past Jai’s lifeless body. Though I try to keep the horror off my face, from the way Caroline’s hand flies up to her mouth, I evidently didn’t do a great job.
‘Oh God. This is why I didn’t want to know,’ she says, covering her face as she shakes her head. ‘Forget I asked anything. Please.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean?—’
‘It’s fine. It’s better if I don’t know. Honestly, it’s been a mission to avoid people talking about it these last few days. I don’t know why I even asked. And I doubt they’d have been stupid enough to enter.’ She winces. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to imply … I wasn’t saying?—’
‘It’s fine, trust me. I get it.’
An apology rises in her eyes and she smiles softly. ‘Look, I actually have two hours before I’m needed upstairs to listen to another old man drone on about all the crazy things he believes he saw in battle, so why don’t I help you look for the books you’re after?’
‘Really? That’d be amazing,’ I reply, grateful for the change of subject, though Jai and Coulter’s faces remain at the back of my mind. ‘I wonder if there are any books on ceremonial daggers? Specifically the one that the priestess used today for the vow. It obviously had some magic imbued in it and I was just wondering if I could find out about it.’
‘Well, I’m no expert on daggers,’ she says, ‘or priestesses either, but I’m sure we can find something. Let’s have a look.’
Chapter 23
An hour later and I’m leaving the library with four great tomes. Two are on weapons in general, one is on ceremonial weapons in particular, and the last is on the Retterheld itself. The more I know about the different trials, the more I’ll be able to prepare. I hope. Surprised by their weight and disgruntled at my lack of strength, I carry the books up to my room. Once there, I change and head down to the battle yard.
Even though I took a fair while at the library, there are still very few people practising. The knighted guards, including Grenda, are all in a conversation with Zelle on the far side of the space.
Estel is practising ducking and jabbing with a large, enchanted bag that swings back and forth, constantly changing angle and height.
For a minute, all I can do is watch her. She’s fast but inaccurate with her shots, and if she’s got magic to help her, she’s not using it. Her only method is avoidance. It would be lovely if that could get us through, but I doubt it will. We’re going to need to fight, maybe even kill. I’ve never done that before, but I need to steel myself to the possibility. For Kay, there’s nothing I won’t do.
