‘Is she…?’ Jonas whispers.
I swallow. ‘Yeah.’
‘You still have to kill me, Rose.’ Jonas’s voice trembles. ‘That’s what the Goddess said. The person who kills me will get the gifting.’
A smile curls my lips. ‘I don’t think I do. Do I, Goddess?’
My heart flutters as I hold my breath, and for the first time since I laid eyes on her, the Goddess’s mouth turns upwards and a glinting smile enhances those abyssal eyes.
‘No, you do not. It is yours,’ she says in a voice that doesn’t belong with Dinah’s body. ‘Rose Kultavaris, the gifting is yours.’
Chapter 72
Ishould be feeling elated, but a strange numbness fills me instead. I fear it’s not over, that there’s still a sting in the tail to come.
Zara thought she had won, too. She reached the Goddess first, the way we thought we had to do to win this. Now she’s lying dead on the ground, her blood seeping into the worn stones beneath her.
‘Why me?’ I ask the only question I can. ‘Why, when Zara reached you first?’
Dinah’s lips don’t move as the voice echoes in my head. ‘I am the Goddess of Life, and she had no respect for that.’
‘But she won,’ I argue aloud.
‘No, she completed the trials and arrived here first.’ The Goddess’s voice is melodic and patient. ‘Some Rettlings use the trials to grow, and I hoped she would be one to do so. Pain, loss, community – they can bring out the best in so many. But in others, they only deepen the darkness. She turned away from love and friendship at every stage, every opportunity. She is one who has spent a life of being, not living. I will not gift the unworthy.’
I tried more than once to be civil to Zara. If she had reciprocated, would it be her standing here instead of me? Quite possibly. The thought chills me. My compassion could truly have led to my downfall, just like Kyor warned me.
‘Has this happened before?’ I ask curiously. ‘Have there been others who reached you first but did not win?’
Her smile rises on one side, with a definite coyness to it. ‘The correct person has always won,’ is all she says.
The smile remains fixed, and I know she’s given me all the answers I’m going to get. It shouldn’t surprise me. The Retterheld is ultimately about worthiness. And the fact that the Goddess findsmeworthy …
As I stand there, struggling to believe what is happening, I sense movement behind me. Jonas is on his knees, looking at me. Tears fill his eyes, but are they because he’s pleased for me or just relieved that I didn’t have to kill him? Or maybe they’re not for me at all. Maybe they’re because he didn’t win?
The presence of one friend reminds me of another, and I twist back to the Goddess.
‘Benny. Did he make it? Did he get out?’
‘Is the gift you want from me the answer to that question?’ The deity arches a single eyebrow in an expression that is as alien to Dinah as the voice is. ‘It seems a waste, but if that is your desire …’
‘No, no! I just …’
As the smile tugs at her lips, I realise she’s toying with me. Great, the Gods have a sense of humour. I’ll try to remember that when I think of all the crap they’ve put me through.
Her expression flickers and the knowledge that she can hear my thoughts hits again. Oh shit.
‘Goddess, I wasn’t thinking straight. I … I …’ I bow low, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, but she shakes her head.
‘No need to apologise. It is a bad habit of mine. You humans so rarely share the truth, so I find it far easier to understand your workings in this manner. But rest assured, from now on, your thoughts will be yours and yours alone.’
A tremble of relief rises within me, though it’s hard to believe it fully. After all, it’s not as though I can feel when she enters my head.
‘Rose Kultavaris,’ she begins, tone brimming with pride. ‘You came to me knowing what gift you would ask for. Wishing for everything that was taken from you and your family to be returned. Is that still your desire?’
I nod. ‘I know you cannot return lives, and that my parents’ powers have been passed to Mortidem, but for myself and my sister, I wish for our magic, our titles, our home. I wish for our lives to be as they should have been. For Kay’s life to be as it should have been. That will be enough.’
That eyebrow arches again, though not quite as high.
