‘Thank you for this’—I gesture to the food—’but I should go upstairs to the dining hall for breakfast. I need to make sure Benny’s okay.’
‘Do you want me to join you?’
I hesitate for a moment, then shake my head. ‘I think maybe it would be best if it was just him and me for now. Is that okay?’
‘Of course it is.’ He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to the topof my forehead. ‘I’ll see you in the battle yard? Or just come back here if you want. Door’s always open to you.’
I kiss him back, this time on the lips, before picking my dress up off the floor and leaving. I keep my eyes on the ground as I pass the cooks in a proper walk of shame, wearing only Kyor’s shirt. Here’s hoping I encounter no one on the way to the dorm.
Thankfully,rising so early gives me time to get upstairs, shower, and get dressed before anyone else is stirring. I’m glad that Benny woke up with me there, and together we head down to breakfast. I’m not sure my heart could have taken it if I’d seen Benny sitting there alone – or taken a seat by myself, knowing Llin wouldn’t be joining us.
One by one, the rest of the Rettlings filter in. There are so few of us now. The days of clattering plates and barely being able to hear yourself think over all the clamour are long gone.
‘Can I sit with you?’ Jonas asks when he appears.
I nod. ‘Of course.’
‘I’m sorry for?—’
‘Thank you for your help with Kay.’
We speak at the same time, and I cut myself short. Jonas shakes his head.
‘Sorry,’ he says.
‘I was just saying … thank you for your help with Kay last night.’
He nods and then hesitates, and from the way the knots are forming in my stomach I have a horrible feeling I know what he’s going to say. ‘You and Kyor … you can’t trust him. You know that, right?’
‘Jonas, please.’
‘I saw it last night. I think he might even believe it’s real between you two, but it can’t be. He’s the heir apparent, and you’re …’ He trails off.
‘Wow!’ A laugh of disbelief rolls from my lungs. Just when I thought we were actually making some progress, he throws out a line like that. ‘Whatever Kyor and I are, it’s none of your business.’ I wish I didn’t sound so sharp. This isn’t how I wanted to spend this morning. The first morning without Llinos. But then, how did I think it would go? All of us are hurting. And Jonas still has everything with Kestria to work through. There’s no chance he’s done that yet.
Benny speaks up. ‘Well, assuming the next trial is a pairing, I’mguessing Rose’ll want to do it with the lightning-wielding, storm-controlling warrior prince rather than either of us. So I guess it’s you and me.’ Benny’s weak attempt at humour may break the silence, but Jonas’s gaze is still locked on me.
‘Looks like it,’ Jonas replies coolly.
‘Not gonna lie, I’d rather have had Llinos. Don’t know what we’re going to be up against, but unless it’s a multi-eyed creature, I’m not quite as thrilled about your powers as I was about her ability to control the wind.’
‘Sorry.’ Jonas pushes back his chair. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t pretend this is normal. He ruined your life. He fucking hates you. You have to know this is all a game, right? That he’s just playing with you until he gets bored and moves on, leaving you even more screwed up than you were before? How are you that fucking stupid?’
‘Call her stupid again and it will be the last word to ever leave your mouth.’
Kyor stands proudly behind me, and every pair of eyes in the room is on him. He’s still topless, and from the charcoal on his fingertips, it looks like he hasn’t even washed yet. Though poor hygiene is hardly what Jonas should be worried about. I’ve never seen a man with more hatred in his eyes.
‘Kyor …’ Jonas chokes out as he tries to push back his shoulders,but it doesn’t matter. It’s not about who has more height or muscle mass; it’s about the pure power resonating from the two men, and Kyor wins hands down in that category.
‘I’m pretty sure that what you just said is enough for me to have you put to death for treason, but I’m in a generous mood, so instead I’m simply going to tell you two things, and you’d better listen good. Number one: you don’t know how I feel – you don’t have a fucking clue – so don’t you dare presume you do. And number two’—he turns and looks at me—‘I never hated her. I hated what she reminded me of.’ His gaze softens as it bores into me with such tenderness that heat pricks the back of my eyes. I nod, the tiniest of gestures, but he sees. In a flash, his hard gaze returns and he looks back at Jonas. ‘You speak to her like that again and I willkillyou.’ With that, he turns and strides out of the room.
Silence is still echoing in the dining hall when Benny speaks a few moments later.
‘And this is why I’ve kept sex out of the Retterheld,’ he mutters.
Chapter 58
‘We’ve put this off for long enough.’ Kyor’s expression is unusually stern as he looks at me. ‘Please just try, just this once. For me.’
