After years of closing off my emotions, now I’m suffocating under the weight of them. For weeks Thane and the others had told me Shade was ours, that she wasmine, and I had refused to accept it. I’d felt my fated mate die all those years ago. I was certain of it. I’d experienced her pain and endured her screams as she’d been torn apart and taken away from me. Fromus.
At most, I could concede that Lady Fate had sent us another mate. A consolation prize who had somehow thwarted the curse the queen had placed on us. I’d refused to even entertain the possibility that Shade could be her.
When Shade kissed me in the forest not long ago, I couldn’t deny that she was fated to us. I couldn’t deny my response to her, but it wasn’t until we’d slipped into her memory and I’d seen it with my own eyes, that the truth finally penetrated the cold wall I’d held in place for so long. This human, Shade, wasn’t a second mate. She wasn’t another temptress sent to test me. No,it washer.My mate. My love. In a different form. Different from the one she’d conjured in her dreams, but the same woman I’d found all those years ago. She was the same woman whom I had grieved for years. The same woman I thought I’d lost…
I remain on my knees as the past version of me chooses to enjoy his fated mate, sending me on a path that would tear me apart. A path that I thought had led to my mate’s death, and that left me with a guilt and an emptiness I thought I would never be rid of. A hole that nothing in this world or the next could ever heal.
But then here she is. Standing across from me. She’s smaller now, but no less beautiful. Fuck, I’d always thought the human was incredibly beautiful, but I’d believed she was simply there to test me. I hadn’t let myself see that my attraction to her was because she was the same woman I’d already given my heart to.
All I can do is watch as the memories come back to her. Memories of me and my brother, and all that we had shared. I’m paralyzed as I watch her, hardly able to believe the truth that’s unraveling in front of us. Unable to move until the tears spill from her eyes, and the confusion, the hurt, and the anger all melts away until all that’s left is an overwhelming regret and a relief that shatters me. The only thing that has me lifting to my feet is the knowledge that she needs me. And I fucking need her.
I’m in front of her in a heartbeat, my lips finding hers, and now when I kiss her, I kiss her knowing she’s the mate I lost. The one I’d thought was buried a long time ago.
I’d searched for her. I’d traveled the shadow realm, hoping to come across her soul as it wandered the land. I’d never found her, and now I realize her soul had never been there.
When she kisses me back, there’s no hesitation. She’s not the same human whom I’d hurt with my cruel words. The one I’d foolishly pushed away for weeks. Weeks when I could havebeen cherishing her. Worshipping her. Helping her. And damn begging for her forgiveness.My mate. My light. My love.
I move to kiss her neck, and I apologize over and over as my lips drag against her skin. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Stop,” she rasps, blinking back the tears from her eyes. “I’m okay. I’m alive.” Her brow furrows. “At least, IthinkI’ve always been alive. I mean, can people even come back from the dead?”
I shake my head. “Buthow?”
She thinks for a moment, studying the dream version of us again. The pair of them are quite enjoying themselves, and Shade’s cheeks redden as she watches them. She clears her throat, turning back to me. “I...don’t know. I can remember you and Raith. I remember you visiting me.” She bites her lip before releasing it. “I remember the last time I saw you in my dreams. You’d said something about how you couldn’t visit me anymore, but aside from that, it’s still a blur.”
My jaw is clenched so tightly while she talks that it aches. “After that last time I saw you, the queen finds out about you and she summons Raith, Thane, Galen, and me to the shadow palace in the city. That’s when she placed the curse on us, and that’s when…” My voice cracks, and my hand grips the side of her head, my thumb brushing over her lips. “It’s because of me, and because of our dream connection, that her magic was able to reach you. And I felt you die. So did Raith. The magic that would have flowed into you…” I let out a harsh breath. “No human could have survived that.”
A flicker of fear passes over her face, but she smooths her expression quickly, her features brightening again. “Well, maybe it’s a good thing I can’t remember that then. Either way, somehow I’m here.” She smiles. She doesn’t seem angry that it’s all my fault, even though she should hate me for it. Fuck, I will apologize to her for all eternity.
Eternity…I think of the graduation games, my heart slamming against my ribcage because I can’t lose her again. Before I can tell her that, a roar shatters through her memory, and we both tense. Instinctively, I drop my magic, pulling us back into the present and the real world in the forest. My shadows are still protectively shrouding us, and I scan our surroundings. The trees are peaceful, but Bonfang is sending me a message. It’s a mental image, though I already know what made the sound. Another roar carries through the forest, and Shade and I both peer up through the trees, to where we can see the top stone towers of the academy.
“What is it?” Shade rushes out, her heart racing.
“An akzoran,” I reply simply. “A brutish zenali creature we retrieved for the games.”
“But the games are tomorrow? Can we just hear it from wherever you’re holding it captive?”
My face hardens. “No. That’s the sound of the creature hunting. I guess the queen decided to end the festivities early and give the students a little surprise.”
“What?” Shade pushes forward, frantically craning her neck like she’s trying to see more through the illuminated windows of the academy. “You mean she’s unleashed a beast in the ballroom? But that’s barbaric. I thought tonight was our last night to celebrate?”
“Usually, it is,” I reply grimly. “I guess the queen decided to change things up.”
Shade starts walking into the trees, but my shadows coil around her. I can’t let her go. I’ll never let her go again.
She gives me a tense look. “I need to be there, Knox.”
“No,” I say firmly. “Even if the beast doesn’t kill you, the games will. I can’t lose you again. The games are a bloodbath, and we won’t be able to help you in there.”
She stares at my face, emotion playing on her features. “I need to help my friends,” she says softly. “If they’re killed while I’m out here, I’ll never forgive myself. Please.”
I clench my fists. “I can’t,” I rasp.
“If you don’t create a shadow pathway, I will,” she says. “But I’m not sure if my pathway would go to the right place. Please, Knox.”
I don’t want to do it. I stare at her face, wishing I could keep her here in the forest, that I could protect her, but I see the determination in her eyes. She’s going whether I want her to or not. Gritting my teeth, I create a pathway, my shadows writhing in the air. After everything she’s been through, I do it because I love her. And I’ll do anything to show her that.
Chapter Thirty-Four
