“Why would you promise that? I thought you hated them?” she asks in confusion.
“But I lo—care about you,” I say, almost accidentally confessing how I really feel. “And you care about them. Therefore, they fall into my bubble of protection.”
That finally makes a small smile pull at her lips. “You‘ve changed since we were teenagers.”
“In a good way, I hope?” I ask, wondering if she finally sees me less as the boy next door and more as the man motivated to keep her safe.
She nods slowly, her eyes tracing over my face and chest. I’m wearing a white tank top, leaving my shoulders and armsbare. I hope she likes what she sees. FBI training definitely helped fill me out.
“Yes, in a good way. You’re more open now.”
“Really?” It feels like I’m holding back so much from her right now. If she knew the extent of my feelings, it would probably trigger another panic attack.
“Well, we haven’t really had any time to talk alone since you came back. But when we were younger, it felt like I was always carrying the conversations, like you were holding back.”
“I was. God, Wren.” I brush my hand through my hair and blow out a deep breath. “You have no idea how much I was holding back before. I wanted to tell you everything. That what your brother was doing wasn’t normal, that there was something fishy about him. I’m so sorry I didn’t get you out of there sooner.”
She shrugs, her eyes moving to stare out the window as if she’s remembering something in the past. “That’s okay. It’s not like he was hurting me.”
I squeeze her shoulder in comfort as I tell her the truth. “I don’t think that’s true. He was doing a lot of damage to you, sweetheart. Just because he didn’t leave any marks on your skin doesn’t mean he didn’t leave any on the inside.”
Her brows pinch in pain as she looks up at me. “The guys said something similar.”
I nod, remembering how Sly had thrown that at me. I was surprised they were smart enough not only to know that, but also to understand the damage Robert’s done.
“That’s right. You must have shared a lot with them,” I say, trying not to be jealous of their connection to her.
“They were all I had, Elias. You left, and I had no one for years. Then, when I accidentally wrote to them, and theyreplied, it felt like someone actually cared again. Someone I could be myself with.”
“I never stopped caring,” I whisper.
“I know that now, but I didn’t then.”
I knew she had felt abandoned by me. It had been eating at me for seven goddamn years as I sat behind a monitor and watched her be miserable. I begged to get her out of there on multiple occasions, but my superiors kept telling me that as long as she wasn’t being physically abused, they couldn’t risk it.
We’re silent as we sit there staring at each other. I’m unsure what she’s thinking, but I’m just thinking about all the time we lost while I listened to the feds, holding back, and for what? Robert and Ivan were still out there. If they were going to mess up, they would have done it by now. They were too smart to get caught.
“Did you think about me at all?” I ask, desperate to know that she still cares, even a little.
“Elias, I—” She cuts herself off, swallowing heavily. “I thought about you every day. I missed you so much.”
I can’t help but pull her to me, engulfing her in my embrace, and thankfully, she does the same, her little arms wrapping around my waist as she rests her cheek against my chest.
“I missed you so fucking much, sweetheart.”
“Thank you for saving me, for saving us,” she whispers against my chest. “I should have said it sooner. I have no excuse, but it took me some time to process everything you said. I thought you were gone from my life forever, and to know you’ve been watching me this whole time…”
I squeeze her a little tighter, hoping that part didn’t scare her off completely.
“It was a lot to wrap my mind around. But I need you to know how much I appreciate you looking out for me, even when I didn’t know you were doing it. You’ve been looking out for me my whole life, and I’ve done nothing for you. I don’t even know why you’re here.”
“Sweetheart…” I say, pulling back and holding her at arm's length so I can look into those beautiful blue eyes. “Relationships aren’t about what you can do for one another. It’s about how you make each other feel.”
“And how do I make you feel?” Swallowing the lump in my throat, I realize I’ve put my foot in my mouth. If I admit how much I care, how I truly feel about her, and what is currently burning a hole in my pocket, it’s sure to send her spiraling. So instead, I opt to tell her the truth without admitting too much.
“You make me feel seen, feel special. Even at school, none of my friends ever cared about me the way you did. Being with you is like basking in the sun, a warm caress that constantly leaves me wanting more.”
She looks stunned as she asks, “That’s really how you feel?”
