My eyes move to Pete to find him watching me, not the TV. “What exactly am I supposed to be learning by watching this?” I ask, my voice shaky, unsure if he’s telling me that’s a thing they’d want to do with me.
Dex squeezes my foot before moving up on my other side as he answers for them. “You said you didn’t know anything existed besides how babies are made. We want to enlighten you about intimacy.”
“But being intimate isn’t always about sex,” Sly says, stepping out of the bathroom in only his boxers. I swallow heavily at the sight of all the delicious skin on display.
I have to shake my head and take a second to rememberwhat he said. I want to clean myself up in the bathroom, but I’m also desperate to know more. “What’s it about then?” I ask, not really understanding.
He sits on the bed near Pete, his eyes glued to mine. “It can mean different things to different people. It normally involves a physical connection,” he says, his voice low and unhurried. “But it’s not always about touching.”
I blink, confused. “Then how is it physical?”
He nods, as if he knows why that would be confusing. “Because it’s about closeness. Letting someone see you when you’re not hiding behind words. It’s when you trust someone enough to let them in… to let themfeelyou.”
Jagger holds me a little tighter, pressing his mouth to the crook of my neck as Sly continues talking.
“It’s about things like—” He gestures between us. “—sharing space, letting someone hold you when you’re upset—talking about things that scare you. That’s intimacy. So is falling asleep next to someone and knowing they’ll watch over you.”
“Oh,” I whisper, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. “So… it’s about feeling safe?”
His gaze softens, and he nods once. “Exactly, little bird. Safe enough to let go.”
I think about what he’s said. By his definition, I have an intimate relationship with all four of them.
“Intimacy is the first step toward a sexual relationship,” he adds when I don’t say anything.
“Oh?” I ask, my voice coming out extremely high-pitched as I try to act calm.
He nods, and I dare to ask, “What’s the second step?”
“Depends on the person,” he says with a shrug.
“Cuddling,” Dex says, giving me a wink.
“Kissing,” Sly adds as my eyes flick back to his. He’s the only one who hasn’t kissed me, and I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t want to or if something else is keeping us apart. I’ve definitely thought he was jealous on several occasions.
So why hasn’t he kissed me yet?
I wonder if he’s kissed many women, and the thought makes me frown as I consider any of my guys cuddling and kissing others, spending nights cuddled up together in bed like I’ve been doing with them.
“You… You’ve had sex before,” I say to Sly. It’s not a question, but he nods anyway, his brows slightly pinched as if he’s unable to keep up with my train of thought.
“So before you did… that, you did the other stuff? Like cuddling and talking?”
Pete snorts, and Sly’s eyes cut angrily to him for a second before he answers. “No, not really.”
“I don’t understand. You said intimacy comes first.”
“It does if the relationship means something. If the sex means something.”
“So you can have sex without intimacy?” I ask, trying to understand.
“Exactly.”
I point at the TV where a nurse is currently checking for a man’s pulse in a very strange location. “Like porn?”
Dex laughs as he watches the TV. “Yeah, there is no intimacy there. No connection.” He turns his head back to me, and his gaze softens as he grabs my ankle and gives it a soft squeeze. “It wouldn’t be like that with us; that’s why we’re trying to take it slow.”
My heart beats so quickly I’m almost afraid it’s going to bust through my ribcage. Byusdoes he mean him and me, orthe four of them? And is he saying he wants to have sex with me? Is he expecting it to happen sometime in the future? I hadn’t realized it was something he had thought about. But he had called himself my boyfriend, taken me on a date, and constantly said the nicest things to me. Maybe I should have realized how he felt.
