You may not be mine, tiny flame, since I’m stuck here until my last breath.
But I will always be yours.
Jagger
I grab a tissue, blowing my nose as I try to clear the tears from my eyes. I’m such a mess, but their letters always do that to me. It’s like forbidden love. I pine for them with my every breath, just as they seem to do for me.
But at least I’m free.
Are you, though?
I re-read the part about me being in a cage created by Robert. They’ve said things like this many times over the past nine months. But I always brush it off. Robert’s always been kind to me; he’s never physically hurt me, not really. He rarely ever yells; he only raises his voice if I step out of line. And I’m sure I see fondness when he looks at me. He constantly tells me he loves me and that he likes having me here with him.
Then why is he trading you like livestock?
Has he been fooling me this whole time? Has he been trying to mold me into some perfect bride? The perfect wife? How long has he been planning this? What else has he been keeping from me?
I lift my head and stare at my closed door, wishing there was some way to get information about the real world. Robert owned a laptop, but he took that with him. I know he gets information on his phone, but again, that will be with him.
My mind flashes to how my best friend had tried to tell me something the last time we spoke, years ago. Of course, Robert hadn’t let us talk alone since we were twelve years old, telling me young ladies always needed a chaperone.
Was that a lie, too?
I think about how Ivan always seemed amused by my responses. I thought he was impressed by me, but maybe he was impressed by how much Robert had shaped me for him.
Oh god!
Did Robert stop me from dating to force me to stay chaste...For Ivan?
I jump off my bed and run to the bathroom, just in time to hurl into the toilet. My stomach rolls as comments and lessons from the past twenty years replay in my mind like some sort of horrific montage.
“I can’t believe he did this to me,” I whisper in shock. It takes me another ten minutes to get back on my feet. I brush my teeth and drink some water before moving back to my bed, staring down at the unread letters from my guys.
Tears form in my eyes as I realize what I have to do.
“I need to run,” I whisper, my fingers ghosting over their letters.
And that means I’ll never hear from them again. I won’t be able to give them a return address; it’s too risky that Robert would find me when I disappear.
With a plan forming in my mind, I sit at my desk and grab a fresh piece of paper, writing as fast as I can, knowing I only have a couple of hours before Robert and Ivan return. If I don’t go now, I might not have another chance before mytransferdate.
I sign my name, shove the letter, along with the stolen note from my pocket, into the envelope, address it, grab a stamp from my desk drawer, and stick it in the corner.
After that, it takes me ten minutes just to find a bag to take with me, since I’ve never owned one myself. The one I grab is from the corner of the laundry room. It’s prettybeaten up, but it looks like I can place it over my head and sling it across my body.
Staring into my open-concept closet, with no door, I debate what to take. All I have are dresses, since Robert told me that’s all that women wear. I grab two that I think won’t take up much space, then shove in a few handfuls of bras, underwear, and socks. I slip on my ballet flats before grabbing a brush, deciding not to pack any makeup. In fact….
I scrub my face clean, deciding that going makeup-free will help disguise me better. I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste, then gaze around my room.
“What else?” I whisper as I try to figure out my next steps. I go back to my closet and grab the box of letters from the guys I have hidden in the back. When it won’t fit into my bag, I pull out one of the dresses to make room. Becausepriorities.
Trying to think through my options, I realize I can’t drive, I have no ID, and no money…Money.
I know exactly where to find a little bit of cash, I just hope it’s enough. I move as quietly as I can back to Robert’s office. He keeps a safe in the wall behind a painting. He showed me once, and now I wonder why he bothered. To give me a false sense of security?
I spin the dial and let out a breath of relief when it clicks open. Inside is a stack of bills. I’ve never paid for anything in my life. I give the grocery list to one of the guards, Max, who orders them for me, and I’ve never been to a store before. Hopefully, this is enough to help me disappear.
I shove the money into the bottom of my bag, then pull out a few smaller bills to put in my dress pocket for easy access.
