"Why?"
"You can't do that!"
"This is a horrible idea!"
"I hate people!"
"You know Karen hates people."
She made a quiet motion with her hands. "Look, I get it. It's a big scary world filled with people you might hate. But ladies, you're Wicked Women. And Wicked Women don't settle. They don't stay at home when there are challenges to be slain. They get out there and take names. And that's what I want you to do."
She clicked her screen, sharing it with us. "I asked the listeners over the holidays to send us their bucket lists. From that, I've pulled the things that are in the local area. Over the next few months, we're going to tick them off one by one."
I could feel my eyebrows disappearing into my hairline. "I'm sorry, does that say zip-lining?"
"What exactly is a Brazilian cleanse?" Hannah asked, frowning at the screen.
"Patience ladies, let me explain." Christine leaned into her microphone, dropping her voice an octave. "You'll thank me later."
I doubt it.
"I've signed you both up for things that I think you need. Mistress, you need more self-care, more vulnerability, more emotion, and more lightness in your life."
Hannah's lips pressed together, a frown creasing her forehead. "Do I?"
"Yes." Christine gave a firm nod. "You do. That's why we've signed you up for different types of relaxation and emotional connection classes."
"But… meat load therapy? What is that? Is that an actual activity or a cooking class?"
"Oh, it looks amazing!" Christine enthused. "It's a new spa therapy that involves wrapping yourself in fur while a piece of steak is placed over your face. You then listen to the sounds of the forest while meditating. Apparently, it's very primal."
There was a beat of silence.
"Let me get this straight. Mistress H is becoming a shish kebab while I try my luck at being a daredevil?" I asked, staring at the list of feats I apparently needed to achieve. "Chrissy, this reads like a list of ways to die. I mean, skydiving? Fuck. No."
She grinned. "I thought you'd say that, that's why I've already pre-purchased everything. All you need to do is turn up."
Stunned silence met her declaration.
I coughed, my voice hoarse. "I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?"
"All you need to do is turn up. All the details are in your emails right now."
Hannah and I stared at each other via the computer screen.
"Mistress H, any thoughts?" I asked.
Hannah closed her eyes, sucking in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. "I don't like surprises."
"Psh." Chrissy waved a dismissive hand. "Surprises are awesome."
"And," Hannah continued. "I don't like being touched. This sounds like somethingyouwant, Christine. Not Karen or I."
Again, Christine dismissed her. "You'll enjoy it if you give it a chance."
Hannah sucked in a breath, her face turning into what I liked to call herdon't fuck with meexpression.
Sock it to her, Hannah!
