“You’re in love with her.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t know that I’ve stopped to think about how I feel, exactly. My sister has–”
“Larissa?” Janine interjected.
“Yeah?”
“Harlow is no longer in your life. How do you feel?”
“What? Awful,” she said quickly.
“Okay. Harlow is getting married today. How do you feel? Quick.”
“She’s getting–”
“Yes, married to someone who’s not you. How do you feel, standing next to her as her maid of honor, watching her kiss another person? You watch them dance all night, cut the cake, and they kiss again and again, looking ridiculously happy, and you know that they have this kick-ass hotel room, where they’re going to be all over each other later. How do you feel?”
“Happy for my friend,” she said and swallowed.
“Stop trying to be a good person and tell me how you really feel.”
“Like I might throw up.”
“And do you think you’d feel that way about anyone else you’ve ever dated when they get married? Any of your other friends if they got married?”
“No.”
“I think that says something.”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
“I don’t know her, so I have no idea whatshefeels, but ifyoufeel like you might vomit, thinking about her marrying someoneelse, I’m not sure you should be dating anyone else until you at least figure this out. And I think you should take the risk. I mean, if it were me, I would want to know. Even if I didn’t feel the same way, I’d still want to know. I’d hope you’d be comfortable enough with me and trust me enough to tell me.”
“It changes everything. Everything, Janine. I’m so slow here. I’m only just now realizing. Maybe I should take some time and–”
“Do whatever you want, obviously. I have no idea what her life plans are. But she could meet that fictional person she could marry – or, at least, fall in love with – at any time, you know? You mentioned she’s dated a lot and moved in with a few women before. There’s nothing stopping her from doing that again. And, Larissa, if shedoesfeel the same way, you two could be kissing instead right now. Well, when you see her next, I mean.”
Larissa, for the very first time in her adult life, thought about kissing her best friend. Harlow was two inches taller. She’d be so close and would probably cup Larissa’s cheeks. It would be slow the first time because they’d both hesitate, but then, it would heat up. Suddenly, Larissa was no longer picturing them kissing in her living room for the first time but standing in front of their friends and family outside, wearing white because they’d just been married by some nameless, faceless officiant.
CHAPTER 26
They hadn’t talked about meeting at the house before going to do the interview, so she left work a little later than she normally did and headed straight there. She told herself that she wasn’t avoiding Larissa. She just wasn’t ready to hear about Larissa’s night with whomever it had been who had prevented her from coming home.
“Probably fucking Janine,” Harlow said to herself as she drove. “Well, not fucking her. She wouldn’t do that on a first date. Just fuckingJaninebecause, of course, she’s fucking Janine. That makes no sense,” she rambled. “She probably just stayed over, and they slept in separate beds. No, Janine would sleep on the couch. She worked at a bookstore, so she probably can’t afford a two-bedroom. Or, maybe she comes from money and has a three-bedroom townhome like Laurel used to have. Yeah, she probably doesn’t even need the damn job because she’s got a giant, paid-off house, and she and Larissa had sex all over it last night. Of course, Larissa wouldn’t respond to my texts – she was busy getting laid.”
Harlow parked and sat in her car for a minute. She didn’t know what to do. If she went into the building, she’d see Larissa, and she’d get confirmation of how she spent her night. It was possible that Larissahadn’tbeen with Janine. She had accidentally fallen asleep in an empty study room once duringher grad school years. But she had left all her school stuff at home, so Harlow knew that wasn’t possible. Larissa wouldn’t leave the house and go to campus without bringing her laptop. She always worried that something would come to her for her paper or something else, and she hated trying to type things on her phone. More than once, Harlow had witnessed Larissa pull out her computer just to make a note or add to a paragraph, despite having a phone sitting right there on the table next to her.
“Damn it; it’s cute,” she said to herself. “And you’re in love with her. You love that she can’t cook but still tries; that she has to type on her computer instead of her phone; that her glasses always fall down her face, even though it’s better for her if they stay on her damn nose. You love that she’s so fucking smart and usually has no idea; that she lets you put your legs in her lap sometimes. Fuck! You fucking love her. Just tell her, you idiot.” Harlow got out of the car and started walking down the street toward the building. “You’ve got this.”
Then, she saw Larissa walking in from the parking garage exit.
“Nope. You donotgot this,” she said.
“Hey,” Larissa greeted, but she wasn’t smiling. “I got your texts. Sorry, I meant to reply to them, but I got to work, and the owner needed to talk to me. Then, I was working, and–”
“It’s okay.”
“I thought I’d see you later anyway,” Larissa added.
