“That’s messed up, Aggie.”
“So is whatever you two are doing.”
“We’re notdoinganything.”
“Exactly! She can’t live with you. I think that’s a good thing.”
“Why?”
“It might just mean that she’s finally ready.”
“For what, exactly?”
“To either tell you or move on. Not sure which. Could go either way.”
“Either way? Come on, Aggie…”
“What? Larissa, if you were me, or better yet, if you were a psychologist talking to a patient right now, and that patient told you everything I know about your history with Harlow, what would you think?”
“That we’re two gay women who happen to be good friends.”
“That’s all? Really? I guess I thought you were smarter than you are, then.”
“Hey!” Larissa laughed.
“She’s going to find someone, Larissa. You know she will. It might not be tomorrow, but one day, she’ll meet some woman, and she’s going to move on because, even though she loves you, she can’t have you for whatever reason she’s got locked in her head. Maybe she thinks that she’s not good enough for you or that you don’t feel the same way, so she doesn’t want to take a chance, but someday, she will meet a woman and she’ll decide that she likes her enough to try to move on from her feelings for you.” Aggie then looked over her head and added, “Looks like I have a student who wants to talk to me, after all.”
Larissa turned her head to see a young female standing there, clutching her bag and looking a little worse for wear. It made sense. She’d seen her sister’s tests. Theywerehard.
“I should go,” she said and stood.
“You should talk to her. I mean it, Larissa. Come in,” Aggie added to the student, motioning with her hand. “That’s just my sister, so I can kick her out.”
Larissa laughed and said, “Good luck on the test. And don’t skip the review session before it. She basicallygivesthe answers away there.”
“Hey, don’t reveal my secrets,” Aggie said with a laugh.
Larissa walked out of her sister’s office, leaving her to do her work, but she didn’t get far. Her legs decided to fail on her, and she collapsed onto a chair by the elevators. Students were in other chairs and on the small sofa, all talking about classes, parties, and other things undergraduates discussed with one another. She could no longer relate, but as she looked around, she remembered that shewastechnically still a student at thisuniversity. Yes, she was in a Ph.D. program, but still a student all the same. She needed to finallynotbe a student. She needed to focus on and defend her dissertation, get the damn degree she’d been working toward for a decade, and have the career in academia she’d wanted since switching her focus from clinical work to that required of a future professor.
But that wasn’t why her legs had stopped working and had forced her to sit in this wobbly chair that looked about forty years old. Her legs had stopped her from even getting into the elevator because that elevator would only take her down to the first floor, outside to the campus, where she’d walk to the green parking lot, where she had parked her car. Her car would take her to the highway that would then take her home. At home, her best friend would be waiting for her because they had an interview with another couple that night. She would be sitting in a small conference room with Harlow and a couple who would tell them their love story. She would take notes. Harlow would ask questions. Larissa had no idea what would happen after that, though. Maybe they’d have dinner at home. They might choose to go out for dinner. Or, maybe Harlow wouldn’t want dinner with her at all.
Harlow could want to go out with Alicia or just out on her own. She had done that a few times lately. Maybe Aggie was right; maybe Harlow was moving on. Not fromher, of course, but from Alicia. She’d told Larissa that they’d talked about some stuff, and she had gotten more closure than she had initially. It was possible Harlow only needed that closure to decide that she was ready to be with someone else. It was also possible that Larissa was being ridiculous right now, so she shook her head, remembering that Harlow had always been honest with her about everything. Harlow was also obviously the braver of the two of them and would have told Larissa how she felt had she been in love with her. After all, if Harlow had been intoher in any way since the beginning, why wouldn’t she have said something from the start?
Aggie’s argument about Harlow thinking that she might not deserve her or that she didn’t want to risk their friendship might have applied to today or even a few years ago, but not when they’d first met. On top of that, Larissa knew it was the reverse.Shedidn’t deserve Harlow, not the other way around. Harlow was the best, and she deserved the best, not a thirty-five-year-old student who worked part-time at a bookstore and let her parents pay for most of the stuff she had because it was easier. Harlow deserved a better best friend than that. Hell, Larissa couldn’t even make them pasta or tighten her own glasses. Harlow had to do that.
“God, what is wrong with me?”
Four students sitting in the space nearby turned to her at the same time.
“Sorry,” she said when she realized that she must have said that out loud. “Sorry,” she repeated and stood, praying her legs would support her this time.
She went to the elevator, pressed the call button, and waited for it to arrive so she could start her journey home.
CHAPTER 18
“Hi. It’s nice to meet you all,” Harlow said and shook Brynn’s hand. “I’m Harlow, Larissa’s assistant.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” Neve replied when she shook Harlow’s hand next.
