She tried taking slower steps, thinking that would help somehow, which was ridiculous, of course, because each slow step only increased her nervousness. Then, she noticed that Harlow, even though she was in the lead, so to speak, wasn’t pulling hard or fast. She was just being her normal, incredibly patient self, and she was letting Larissa set the pace as they walked.
They passed Harlow’s room, and Harlow stopped at the open doorway of Larissa’s.
“I want you to know that I’m fine with us taking things as slowly as you want to. We could hold each other for hours tonight, and I would be the happiest woman on the planet. We could fall asleep next to each other, and I would wake up, kiss you good morning, and still not quite believe that this is happening.” Harlow smiled shyly. “I don’t want to rush this. I want this to work. More than anything, though, I want us to last, so if you change your mind, or you want to take your time, tell me.”
“Harlow?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you not walking into my room because you’re as nervous as I am right now, and maybe that nervousness is getting in the way of you doing what you actually want to do?”
“Are you trying to use yourscienceon me right now?” Harlow asked back with a small laugh.
“I’m balancing between fight and flight at the moment, so I’m right there with you, if that’s what’s going on.”
“Flight? You want to run?”
“No,” she replied softly. “Not like that. I’m so nervous because this changes everything between us, and there’s no going back. I don’t think we can go back to the time before we kissed, though. I know what it’s like to kiss you now, and I don’twantto go back. I’m just really nervous, so it’s like I want to go into that room and do what we’re about to do, but I’m also terrified because what if I’m not good at it? What if you don’t like it, or if you don’t likemeafter it?”
“What?” Harlow said, looking concerned. “Larissa, how could I ever not like you? Babe, I’m really not worried about us being bad at this together. Also, youdidtell me that yourprevious partners all told you how good you were in bed.” Harlow smirked a little.
“God, I can’t believe I told you that.” Larissa laughed. “How embarrassing?”
“Is it not true?”
“No, it’s true; theydidsay it. But I just blurted it out to you, and now, I’m regretting that because we’re about to have sex, and at the time, I didn’t think that would be happening. So–”
Harlow pressed their foreheads together and said, “You and I will be amazing together. We always have been, just differently.”
“You… You’ve done this a lot more than I have, Harlow. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Harlow just kissed her sweetly and said, “Come on.”
She pulled gently on Larissa’s hand, and they were in her bedroom two steps later. Those felt like fast steps, too, and Larissa’s heart wouldn’t stop going crazy inside her chest. Harlow stood in front of her again, and Larissa flipped on the light switch. Then, she promptly turned it back off, thinking that she should have put a dimmer in her bedroom years ago because the lighting options were dark or way too bright to create a romantic mood. Harlow reached for that same light switch, though, and flipped it back on.
“I want to see you. Is that okay?”
“It’s just not exactly the best lighting in here. I–”
“You’re beautiful to me under any lighting, Larissa. I want to see you.”
“I want to see you, too,” she replied.
Harlow pulled her over to the bed, and Larissa wished she had the kind of confidence Harlow seemed to possess, but she’d never had it when it came to life, only school and science. She had once questioned a professor on an equation in a required math class during her senior year of undergrad. She’d beenconfident that he’d been wrong and she’d been right, so she’d raised her hand without worrying about anything, but now, as her best friend stood in front of her and Larissa was standing with her back to her own bed, she had none of that confidence.
“You know what I love you in the most?” Harlow asked as she reached for Larissa’s shirt, which had been tucked in earlier, but Harlow must have untucked it in the kitchen without her even noticing.
“What?” she asked before she swallowed.
“When you’re in that T-shirt you stole from me like five years ago,” Harlow replied with a little chuckle. “We both just pretend like it’s yours now and that you actually asked me if you could have it, but we know the truth, don’t we, Lou?” she teased and pulled off Larissa’s shirt. “You took it from my stuff because you thought it was soft.”
“Iborrowedit. I planned to give it back,” she said on a shallow breath. “It’s still soft.”
“And I bet it’s still inside your dresser drawer right now.”
“Actually, it’s not. It’s…” She moved away from Harlow and lifted the comforter up and away. “I usually put the clothes I’m going to sleep in under the blanket. I’m weird, I know. Anyway, it’s… here.” She held up the light-gray shirt. “Want me to put it on now?”
“Uh… No. I just got your shirt off. You can wear that for me later, though.” Harlow took the shirt from Larissa’s hand and dropped it to the floor. “Your black sweats?” she asked as she looked down at the pants on the sheets.
