It might be my shortest response ever to a question. Finley fucked the words out of me.
Her head settles against me. We lay like this for a long time—Finley listening to my heartbeat, my cock inside her, basking in the aftershocks of her orgasm. The world goes silent around us. It’s rare for me to be still unless I’m sleeping, but I’m content. I could be content like this forever, I think.
Eventually, she shifts, gracefully easing off me. “I should…” She gestures over her shoulder with one hand.
“Right, me too.” I sit up.
Before she gets too far, I sink my hand into her hair, bringing her mouth to mine again. She kisses me back slowly, tongue slipping inside once before she pulls away.
“Do you have any notes?”
My question harkens back to the first time we hooked up, when Finley asked me to grade her skills. Like with most other jokes, there’s truth beneath the surface. I’m not oblivious; I know she enjoyed herself, but I’m greedy and insecure. I want her confirmation.
“Oh,youwant a grade?” She snatches my shirt off the ground and slips it over her head. It’s automatic, like we’ve done this thousands of times already. She places her hands on her hips. “I happen to remember you finding it weird when I asked.”
I shake my head. “Not weird at all, but I felt robbed of not getting to ask you. So what do you say?”
Finley settles her hands on my shoulders, shifting her weight forward to whisper beside my ear. “More.”
26
Finley
I can’t move asingle muscle. Not that I want to while snuggled with Zach.
The man determined to make me come last night snores lightly behind me, one arm around my waist, keeping me secured against him. He wasn’t deterred by my admission about medication or the parts of myself I don’t like. He didn’t push for details, letting me choose when to reveal more of myself.
He said helovesme.
But he also doesn’t know me completely, because I’m keeping a big secret from him. I didn’t tell Zach I love him because it’s unfair to dangle the hope of a happily ever after between us when I can’t guarantee that ending.
Science doesn’t know enough about bipolar disorder. It can’t predict whether a depressive episode will emerge from the shadows to overtake me tomorrow, in six months, or not for ten years. Taking care of myself and following my doctor’s guidance doesn’t mean I’m “cured.”
My disorder lasts a lifetime. It’s why I need to work up the courage to tell him, even if I might lose him.
Zach shifts, wedging his face between my neck and shoulder. “You smell so good,” he murmurs, his hand squeezing my ass.
“Good morning.” I sigh, shoving away every worry and giving myself over to Zach.
I reach behind me, fumbling in the limited space between us until his hand guides mine exactly where I want. It’s a relief to touch him after the tease of his erection against my back for the last hour.
“Finley,” he groans, as I stroke him slowly. His hand snakes around me, heading toward the throbbing spot between my legs. “Are you sore?”
“In the best way possible,” I say. “So please proceed.”
Zach laughs, his entire chest vibrating my body. “Whatever you want, High-flyer.”
His fingers easily slip inside with how much my body demands him. I want to tell him I’ve never been this content. He makes me feel treasured, desired,enough. My hearthurtsfrom keeping these intense feelings for him locked away.
But the fear of potentially losing him stops my mouth from opening. I want more time to commit him to memory, in case one day, memory is all I have. Since I can’t tell him what’s in my heart, I decide to show him.
“Lay back.” I release his dick and nudge him back with a thrust of my hips. He falls away, eager for what I offer.
He watches me with heavily-lidded eyes. I love that he doesn’t rush me, especially as I’m getting comfortable with our physical intimacy. I kiss him, my tongue pushing into his mouth, tangling with his. His hand lands on my waist, the other winding around my neck, clutching like he’s afraid I might slip away.
When I pull back, I lock eyes with him. “Let me take care of you, Calder. Like you did for me.”
A sleepy smile plays on his lips. “You haven’t called me Calder in a while.”
