Brenna let out a watery breath. “No.” Her voice was barely audible over the goal horn on the TV.
I muted the volume. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to ask me. I know you don’t care.”
My head fell back, resting on top of the couch cushion as I let out a pained sigh. “Not caring about you has never been a problem. Talk to me, Bren.”
“I-I’m a disappointment,” she choked out, fighting to swallow a sob. “I can’t be what everyone needs me to be. Someone always gets hurt because I’m too weak to manage it all. And I feel guilt… all the time for letting the people I care most about down. I’m so… tired.”
“Hey,” I said, leaning forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Brenna didn’t turn. “Listen to me, all right? You’re not disappointing me, Bren. You got that?”
The wordsI couldn’t do this without yousat on my tongue, but I didn’t offer them to her. They would complicate this situation more than the sudoku puzzle it already was.
Brenna nodded into her knees, her legs pulled into her body. Those sad brown eyes killed me. Whatever we were—friends, lovers, enemies, strangers—it would never matter. I would always have this instinct to comfort her. It was why it was so difficult to be around her after our relationship fell apart. I was furious at her, and so hurt, and every step of the way, I had to remind myself to hold onto those feelings. Because if I didn’t, my innate need to protect her would consume me, would push out all logical thought.
We watched the rest of the game in silence. The Wolves scored a few more goals. Brenna’s breathing gradually evened out. I was inching forward on the couch, preparing to stand, when Brenna broke the silence.
“Are you going to tell me what happened with Allison?”
Are you going to tell me where you’ve been?I swallowed the question I had no right to ask. Asking it might disrupt the copacetic vibe that, by some miracle, had settled between us.
I fell back on the couch, keeping my eyes on the screen. “Nothing that hasn’t happened before.”
“She wassucha bitch.”
Bren was one of the kindest, most forgiving people I’d ever known, but she had a line. When someone crossed it, she revealed a usually hidden side. The other side of the line might as well exist in another dimension for how far it sent a person from her good graces. I knew better than anyone.
I swiveled my head toward her, still leaning against the couch cushion. “Because she didn’t shake your hand?”
“All of it.” Then she added, “She said I made your dad’s life worse by keeping in touch with him.”
“I heard what she said.”
“Do you… think she was right?”
I turned my gaze back to the TV, needing a break from her sad, guilt-ridden eyes. “Hell if I know. I didn’t even know y’all were still in touch.”
Brenna blew out a breath. “I hated what he did, but your dad was the only person who understood how it felt to lose you. He didn’t make me feel bad for missing you.”
Her voice was low, tentative. It couldn’t have been easy for her to admit this. I wasn’t sure why she did.
I shifted in my seat, wanting to jump out of my skin at the reminder that I hurt her. If there were ever a sign I never deserved her, it was this. She could still access the feelings of friendship and love for me after I purposefully hurt her, time and time again. And back then, I couldn’t even manage to find any of my feelings for her beneath the boiling rage consuming every thought.
Brenna continued, “Even though my mom would’ve killed me if she knew, I wanted to help him stay in touch with Molly. I knew how I would feel losing my sister. I thought I was helping.”
I clicked the TV off and set down the remote. “You shouldn’t let Allison get to you.”
“So I should follow your example?”
There she is.
“What did she say to make you storm out of the café?”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re going to have to learn to ignore her, all right?”
“What? Why?”
“She’s going to work with us to reopen the café.” This was why I stormed out on Allison. Rather than transfer her knowledge, she blackmailed me to give her a job in exchange for help. All because my fatherleft her with nothing. Not surprising, but fucking infuriating all the same.
