The alcohol swimming in my veins raised my body temperature to bathwater levels. My mind wasn’t slow yet, but the rest of my body was loose. I wanted to plunge into that feeling, leave my worries behind.
But his question brought every worry to the forefront again.
“What if the surgery doesn’t work, Leo?” The anxious words suddenly ripped out of me. “What can I offer her?”
“You think she’s with you because you play baseball? She knew you before all of that.”
I shook my head, trying and failing to clear the fears. They’d lingered beneath the surface, momentarily forgotten thanks to the intoxication of being with her. Now she was gone, and they wouldn’t leave my mind.
“She wants to become her sister’s guardian. She shouldn’t have to take care of me too.”
“Fuck off, man. You honestly think all you bring to the table is the potential payday of making it to the big leagues?”
“You don’t get it,” I mumbled, the right side of my face resting on my open palm. “There’s a difference in what you look forwhen you’re hooking up or dating and when you’re building a life. Brenna’s focus is on creating a life that’s worthy of Molly. She’s going to want a partner, not some loser with nothing to offer.”
Leo scrubbed a hand over his face. “You want to be her partner, Nathan? Then, be her fucking partner. Show up for her. Be what she needs. I guarantee it’s not an ATM.” His hand smacked the table as he barked out a laugh. “Fucking hell. You know you’ve hit rock bottom whenI’mthe one talking sense.”
Shit, Leo was right. Staying here in Palmer City and drowning my sorrows, worrying I might not be good enough for Brenna guaranteed I’d fail her. That our relationship wouldn’t survive. That I would lose her… again.
I thought losing baseball meant the end of my life. It was my dream, the only thing I’d had for so long… but it wasn’t all Icouldhave. Brenna Quinn made me realize that even if I lost my ability to pitch, I could still have a great life. With her.
I wanted a life with her more than anything else. This second chance came at the exact moment I’d needed it most. I suspected when she needed me most too.
I would not let her down.
“I need to go to California.” I shot out of my seat, heading toward the exit as I looked for a rideshare and a flight.
Leo snatched the phone from my hands. “You’re in no shape to sort this now. We’ll go in the morning.”
48
BRENNA
Now
The temperature in mymother’s house rivaled the nasty blizzards I experienced all too often in Chicago.
I ducked out the morning after my disastrous conversation with Kathy to beg the physical therapy practice I used to work for to give me my administrative assistant job back. Someone had to pay the bills. At least the job was related to what I eventually wanted to do. My employers were also kind, allowing my shift to start later so I could take Molly to school. Thankfully, they’d used only temp labor and hadn’t filled my position yet, so there was a chance. They’d let me know later this week.
Maybe I could find a way to be happy here, taking care of my sister, building friendships with coworkers, working tangentially in the field I studied at school. I’d still see Nathan through video chat, and he could visit in the offseason.
All the good feelings dissipated as soon as we sat down to dinner in agonizing silence aside from the clacking of silverware against plates. I only lasted a few minutes before I didn’t think I could take it any longer.
“Did you have a nice day at school, Molly girl?” Kathy shocked me by breaking the silence.
I fought the instinct to look up from my plate, to interpret her expression. Any sudden movement could send this conversation vaulting in a different direction.
“Yes, we’re readingCharlie and the Chocolate Factory, and everyone in class gets to read a different part. I was Violet today.”
My heart squeezed, thinking about the resilience of this kid. Even with her complicated home life, she still exuded joy over the simplest things. Surreptitiously, I patted her knee, communicating my pride and love without tipping Kathy off.
“Which one is Violet again?” Kathy asked.
“She’s the one who chews gum, Mom.”
Molly soaked in this kind of attention that she so rarely received. She clearly craved it. I recognized the joy lighting her eyes. The key to emotional manipulation was moments like this, when the person received what they desired. It couldn’t be poor treatment all the time, because they’d become disillusioned with the manipulator. But give them crumbs, and they’d keep coming back.
Molly added, “I wish I could make gum bubbles.”
