7
Lindsey felt far from fine even as she forced the words out. She swallowed her sadness, trying to make the tears stop.
Tavish climbed down from the horse first, leaving it to munch the grass beside the entrance to the house.
That was where mom’s car was. The horse was standing on the exact spot where their clapped out old red Ford sat waiting to die.
“What’s the matter?” he asked again, reaching up with his hand to help her down.
As she climbed down, she almost stumbled, her vision blurred. He took hold of her and didn’t let go, his arms around her waist. He drew her to him, and her head fell into the crook of his shoulder.
The tears grew heavier. He said nothing, just held her there. She could feel the warmth of his chest through his cloak, the slow and steady breathing that did not change the entire time he was holding her.
If only it could work, she thought, and that sent a fresh batch of tears to her eyes. She stamped her feet, determined to stop it. What good would crying do? It wouldn’t get her back to her mom. She’d made her decision. She had to help him first.
She was no longer sure why she was crying. Was it because she was again wondering what it would be like to stay with him? Or was it because seeing the house had brought it all back.
“I miss my mom,” she said quietly, her voice muffled by his chest.
He still didn’t say anything, his arms gripping her tightly, giving her time. It was time she badly needed.
She felt exhausted all of a sudden, her legs turning weak. When he took her hand to lead her inside, she didn’t complain.
The house had clearly been empty for some time but it was still in much better shape than in her time.
He brushed debris aside from a chair, and then eased her into it, dragging over another chair before once again taking her hand.
“It’ll be all right.” He looked like he was about to say something but then he didn’t. “There is nothing wrong wi’ missing her,” he said at last.
“It’s not just that,” she replied, pulling her hand away to wipe her face, sniffing loudly as she did so. “Attractive, yeah?”
He shrugged but said nothing.
“It’s just seeing the house, it reminded me of everything. She’s taken care of me ever since dad ran out on us both. I don’t know how she did it, juggling work and baby me. Then she got sick and now she’s better but I can’t help her. Somehow, she managed and we survived. I’ve spent all my life wanting to make it up to her and I can’t and it kills me.”
She looked up at him as he cleared his throat. “Ma father told me something when ah was wee.”
“What?”
“He said no parent looks after their children for reward. They do it because it’s the right thing to do, you ken? Your mother didnae look after you so you could pay her back later. She did it because she loved you.”
Lindsey’s shoulders hitched but she managed to keep the tears at bay. “I know she loves me. When she was ill, I had to drop out of school and get work or we’d have been homeless. I never got the qualifications for a decent job.
“I’ve spent my whole life wanting to help her and instead I feel like I’ve been treading water the whole time. If I stop, we both might drown and here I am gallivanting around while she’s at home with no money and no hope of getting this place fixed.”
“You dinnae know what the future might bring.”
“Easy for you to say. I could just bring you the book of your life and you’d know everything about the future.”
He shook his head. “Your book can say what it wants. Ah ken it has no been written yet. Ma future isn’t set until ah make it. You already said ah vanish. What if ye coming back here has changed all that?”
She frowned then shook her thoughts away. “Are you going to give me the tour or what?”
It was surreal to walk through the house with him. By modern standards the place wasn’t large but compared to the villages they’d traveled through it was a decent enough size, spread across two floors.
The first floor consisted of an entrance hallway with a kitchen to the left, the fireplace in the middle of the room.
“No chimney,” Lindsey noted, remembering what she’d learned about this era, that in most places the smoke rose from a central fireplace up through the thatch, choking the lice and fleas on the way.
