It’s not my fault my night was filled with nightmares of that drunk asshole who decided to hit me with his SUV while I was on my daily morning run. I'm on edge. My frustration with myself, for not being to sleep, to walk, to just be, all came out on her. I desperately need sleep. One, good night’s sleep, that’s it. Then I’ll be a brand new man and won’t bite her head off every time she says something to me. Is that too much to ask for?
My plan was to apologize for my bad attitude yesterday, and thank her for letting me live here. Especially considering I doubt she jumped at the opportunity to have me live with her. From what I gathered, this is the first time she’s been able to live alone. And after years of roommates, I highly doubt she wanted a new one. I know I was happy as hell when I finally got my own place, yet here I am, making her life shit while she’s doing me a huge favor.
After I calmed down, I googled the rehab center where I’m going to be an outpatient starting Wednesday. I have to admit, Ronan was right, it does look like a better program for me.
Chapter 5
My eyelids are heavy and I’m barely keeping them open when a large black coffee drops on my old, scratched office desk. “You look like you need this.”
Looking up I see Jade, smiling at me. She’s the only other woman doing her PhD in biology, not to mention, she’s gorgeous, blonde, and a total nerd. “I need that more than you realize. Thank you,” I say, grabbing the coffee with both hands, as if it holds all the magic. Jade sits in one of the sad beige chairs across from my desk. I’ve tried to lighten up this office. I brought plants, changed the artwork on the walls, bought a cute lamp and curtains—really tried to girly-up the room. But there’s only so much you can do to an old, sad beige room that hasn’t been painted in the last decade.
At least I was able to get the musty smell out of the carpet that looks older than my dad.
“Your new roommate moved in this past weekend, right?”
“Yeah, yesterday morning,” I answer, taking a big gulp of my still-too-hot coffee.
“How did that go?” she asks, taking a delicate sip of her own coffee, so as to not smudge her perfectly applied pink lipstick.
“Well, ever since I’ve known him, he’s been a bit rough around the edges. But he was always nice to me . . . or maybe not nice . . . just, nicer than he was with others. Yet, since he’s moved in, he’s been a total dick. You’d be proud of me though,” I say, even though we haven’t known each other long. It’s only been a few months, but we’ve spent a lot of time together since we are the only women in Biology this year. What we’ve learned in that short time is that we are both people pleasers who shy away from any conflict, but we’re working on that.
“I gave him just as much attitude and stood my ground. I didn’t let him take my plants out of the spare bedroom, and I didn’t change my music schedule for him either. Then he broke a plate trying to bring his sandwich to the living room while on crutches. I asked him if he was alright, and instead of answering he decided to sass me, so I let him handle his mess.”
“Damn girl! Look at you go!” she says, making me blush at the pride in her voice.
“I can’t say it wasn’t an ordeal, though. I got back to my room and thought my heart was going to jump out of my throat!”
“I get that. I asked my roommate to pick up her towel off the bathroom floor—she apologized and everything—yet I still thought she was going to kick me out. This wholebeing assertivething takes too much energy. I swear I didn’t sleep last night because I was so terrified she would hateme,” Jade explains honestly, slouching in her chair. Now that I look at her, she looks exhausted too, and more so than what I would expect from being an overworked grad student. “Is that what happened to you too? Couldn’t sleep after sassing your new roommate?”
“Honestly, no. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve known Liam my entire life, or if it’s because I know his mom would take my side in an argument, but I didn’t really feel bad or lose any sleep over being bitchy to him.” I’m unsure if I should tell her that what woke me up was Liam screaming in his sleep. After that, I couldn’t go back to sleep. “If I tell you this next bit, you have to swear it stays between us.” I cave.
“Promise. I doubt I’ll ever even meet him—you know how I am around guys like him. As much as I love a good grumpy-sunshine book, I cannot keep my composure around grumps in real life.”
She’s not wrong. There’s a cute guy in our program—Devan. I encouraged her to talk to him and the outcome was borderline painful. I’ve never seen the guy smile, and when she asked him if she could sit beside him, he just got up and left. Without a single word.
“I went to sleep with no issues, but then around midnight, Liam woke up screaming. After that, I couldn’t fall back asleep.”
“Was he okay?” she asks, voice filled with concern.
“I don’t know. I didn’t go check. I’m assuming it was about the accident.”
“He got hit by a car, right?”
“Yeah, in September.”
“Maybe you should go check on him, make sure he’s okay next time,” she suggested.
“I don’t know. He’d probably bitch at me,” I answer honestly. I can’t see Liam being happy with me bursting into his room after he’s had a nightmare.
“If he bitches, call his mom. You said it yourself, she’ll take your side in any argument, and I mean it’s not like you’d be doing anything wrong, just making sure he’s okay.”
She’s got a point; I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong. His mom would definitely take my side and tell Liam to suck it up if need be.
But on the one hand, I can’t help but feel like I would be invading his privacy by going into his room while he was clearly going through something. On the other, the thought of him having nightmares about the accident breaks my heart. As much as he frustrates me, and as much as I don’t want him living with me, I don’t want him to suffer more than he has to.
When Ronan first told me that Liam had been hit by a car, I was so happy to have been home. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, and the panic attack that ensued. Even though I hadn’t seen or interacted with him in years, I couldn’t imagine living in a world without Liam.
“You could always get into bed with him. I hear sleeping with someone keeps the nightmares away,” Jade says, matter-of-factly, before tossing her empty coffee cup in my trash can as she leaves for her own office. But not before adding, “You might as well addone bedto the list of tropes youtwo have going on.”
