“Your mother was never the same because of it. She believed herself unworthy of living.” True tears spilled down her father’s face. “I tried convincing her otherwise. I tried reminding her that it wasn’t her fault. But it wasn’t enough.”
Her father pulled back her sleeve to reveal the gold bracelet that Kamine had such difficulty parting with. He slid his finger over it, feeling the ridges of the small gold leaves that created a long, never-ending vine. “Your mother craved life. That’s why whenever she was pregnant, she came back to herself again. That’s why I gave her the reminder on her wrist that there was a whole living world outside.”
“That’s why she always looked out the window,” Kamine finished.
Her father nodded. “She loved you so much, Kamine. I understand why you might not believe that to be true, but she did. When she decided to leave this world, she left this bracelet for you, so you would always have that reminder of her, and to keep living when she no longer could herself.”
Kamine didn’t cry, only stared at the bracelet on her wrist.
Her father pulled her into his chest, and she let him, offering him the little comfort she could while accepting the little comfort he offered.
The tunnels were the same, but different. The dark walls hadn’t changed—they were still lifeless and barren. Each step through led her to the same locations she had learned to navigate. The difference was in her.
No longer did she view Skola as a trap. It was instead a dungeon, before an inevitable execution. One that each of them—and every village—accepted it to be.
Her mother, even as determined as she was to protect her village, still left this place a shell because of the decisions she had made. Every participant who had been voted in, and entered Skola ready to restore the power of the court, left with something taken from them. All in the name of the Weather Gods.
When Kamine made it back to her room, Janina and Zoya were already there, asleep on the ground, tangled in Zoya’s yarn. The burst of colors were a stark contrast to the rest of their surroundings, and it was another reminder of everything they had to lose.
At the sight, a loud sob escaped Kamine. Both her friends awoke at her cry, immediately scanning for the source of the sound. When their eyes landed on her, their faces softened.
Kamine fell to her knees, the plush rug and her friends catching her, and crawled between them.
Kamine finally weeped for the mother that had been taken from her.
The anger she had held for her mother now turned to guilt, a feeling that coated her skin. For years, Kamine could barelyspare her mother a kind word because of the rage that brewed deep inside her. An anger that had been unjust.
“We’re here,” Zoya whispered.
The words only caused Kamine to cry harder, as a fear for the future of her friends mixed with the storm of emotions surfacing. She had no idea if her friends even knew why she was crying, but she appreciated them for simply understanding that she needed them.
“She deserved better,” Kamine sobbed. And she wasn’t just talking about the Undertaking, and what it had taken from her mother. She deserved a daughter who would have been more understanding. Not Kamine, who only grew to resent her mother’s emptiness, until it festered into such a blockage it stopped her powers from fully manifesting.
“You both deserved better,” Zoya responded, rubbing her back.
Janina pulled a blanket off Kamine's bed, and draped it over all of them. From her pocket, she pulled out a bag of sugared nuts from the reception. “Sugar usually helps me.”
Kamine’s mouth gaped at the simplicity of the offer, and the beauty of it. How even in the darkest times, her friends’ light could so effortlessly comfort by just being there. It would be a long time before she untangled every coursing thought running through her, but as she lay there with her friends, she had no doubt it was possible to find the other side and thrive.
Kamine snatched the bag from Janina, saying, “Thank the Weather Gods—at least they are good at creatingsomething.”
All of them laughed, and Kamine thought that the sound was joyous enough to shake all of the shadows from the world.
Sixteen
Janina’s smelly foot in Kamine’s face luckily woke her up, otherwise, Kamine didn’t think she would have managed to make it to her final lesson with Grimot on time.
He was waiting outside the classroom, and pulled her in for a sweet kiss.
Kamine wrapped an arm around his neck as their kiss deepened, their bodies fusing. Her foot kicked up as he overwhelmed her in the best way, like she was in the middle of a raging storm, with everything soaked, a dizzying chill settled in her bones.
When they pulled apart, she asked, “What was that for?”
He shrugged. “I just sensed you needed it.”
Kamine swallowed, taking him in. This man who once angered her endlessly was now the source of so much peace for her. She pet his cheek, trailing her fingers down to his beard.
They held each other’s gaze, her eyes focusing and unfocusing, not allowing herself to blink. Each time, she came back to the clarity of those dark eyes that pierced her soul.
