“I think my mother felt the same. It’s the tale they convince you to believe. That the Undertaking is a game, instead of a fight of survival.”
“A game,” he repeated after her. “One that so many will do unspeakable things to win. Things that they’ll later regret.”
Kamine didn’t know exactly what he meant, but she could guess that he had his own demons when it came to his Undertaking.
“Do you ever wonder,” he started, “if a part of you is holding back your powers because you’re scared of what you’d do with them? That you might have a mental block?”
Kamine had considered that. She feared that if she had the power that her mother had, then she too would rather find the Heart instead of protecting her own.
“Not having control of my powers yet gives me something to focus on,” she said. “I’m competing against myself, not the others.”
“You really are noble,” he responded, voice croaked with emotion.
“Thank you for showing me this,” she said, gesturing to the stone with a smile. “I’ll never forgive the Weather Gods for destroying my mother’s spirit, but I do feel a little closer to her now.”
They were still holding hands, but this time, he was the one who squeezed hers.
Fourteen
Kamine beamed with a new aura, Grimot thought, when at their next lesson, he tied her hands again. She had been the one to suggest it this time, claiming she wanted the challenge.
Perhaps being reminded of what she had lost, brought back everything that she still had yet to lose. Grimot could see the determination set in her purple eyes as she concentrated.
She had been standing there for almost an hour at this point, though he didn’t rush or goad her. But Grimot began to wonder if it was time for him to step in.
He stepped forward, and she lifted her head to him.
“What if I can only make it work when I’m on the ground?"
“You’re thinking too much still,” he said. “The occasions where it worked, you weren’t thinking about manifesting your powers. The first time, you were trying not to get hurt,” his voice rasped. “The second time, you wanted to come around my fingers.” He trailed those aforementioned fingers along her bare arms and she shivered.
“I think it's deeper than that,” she admitted, breathily. “I think there was a truth to what you said last night. There’s a block there because of my mother and what she represents to me.”
“Is that so?” Grimot asked, as his fingers danced down her warm skin.
Kamine tilted her head back, as if savoring his touch, or willing herself to focus on her magic instead of him. He could tell she had failed, though, for when she looked at him, her pupils were dilated.
“That’s a conversation for another time. Are you going to fuck me for real?” she goaded.
“I could…” he said against her ear. “A reward—only after you get your powers to surface.”
“Well, then neither of us is leaving here happy.”
He pulled her glasses from her face. Her mouth gaped open, but he shushed her. “Don’t speak. Let’s try upping the stakes. There is a high likelihood that you’ll be knocked down during the Undertaking, and you won’t be able to see if your glasses break.”
She stiffened as the realization dawned on her. “I had never considered that.”
He didn’t step away. “What will you do?”
His mouth was so close to hers. He could feel her breath tickling his lips. He bent his head down and pressed a kiss to her neck.
She gasped. “That’s cheating. I need to do this without you.”
She was right. He wouldn’t be there to coax her powers out during the Undertaking. But after yesterday, after she had spoken so freely to him about her past, he wanted to touch, and to comfort her. He wanted her to know that he understood her pain. He wanted to tell her the truth about his own past—and he almost had. But he was worried she would look at him differently, and respect him less. Maybe once she completed her Undertaking, he would tell her. Because once this was over,Grimot knew he still wanted to spend his time with Kamine. That became clear last night, after she had poured her broken heart out to him. He wanted to make it whole again, piece by piece.
Grimot kissed the side of her lips.
“Professor,” she breathed out.
