I add the manila folder containing all my documentation, birth certificate, bank statements, proof of employment, character references. The restraining order. The police report from last night. My entire life reduced to papers in a folder, evidence that I'm worthy of keeping my own child.
A wave of exhaustion hits me, and I sink onto the edge of my bed. My body hums with anxiety, nerves firing in all directions. I haven't felt this way since the night I fled Oregon, pregnant and terrified, certain Elliot would find me before I could cross state lines.
My phone buzzes with a text, and I nearly jump out of my skin.
Rowan: You ok? Need me to come over?
Me: I'm fine. Just packing.
The lie comes easily. I'm not fine. I'm nowhere near fine. But I can't handle her concern right now, her questions, her well-meaning advice.
Rowan: Axel called me. He's worried about you.
I read it again, then stare at her message, fingers hovering over the keyboard.
He called Rowan? To check on me?
Me: I don't want to talk about him.
Rowan: He made a mistake, Sadie. A big one. But his heart was in the right place.
I toss the phone aside without responding. His heart doesn't matter. His intentions don't matter. What matters is that he kept something vital from me, something that directly impacted Poppy's safety. He made a choice about my life, my child, without consulting me.
Just like Elliot used to do.
But even as I think it, I know it's not the same. Elliot controlled me out of a need for power. Axel was trying to protect me, to give me one night of peace before reality came crashing back.
I pick up my phone again, opening a new text to Axel. My fingers hover over the keys.
What would I even say? That I'm still furious but also terrified? That I wish he were here, holding me, making me feel safe again? That Denver feels like another lifetime, another universe where happiness was briefly possible?
I start typing, then delete it. Type again. Delete again. Finally, I manage three words.
Me: I'm still angry.
I stare at the unsent message, my thumb hovering over the send button. Then I delete it completely. He doesn't deserve to know how I feel. He lost that right when he decided to filter my reality.
Missing him is a raw wound I can’t stitch shut. I replay his arms locking around me, the heat of his body, the hard set of his jaw when he looked at me like I was worth the fight. Even now, angry and hurt, I crave that safety, his dominance—the way he took control so I could finally let go. The ache is constant, shameful. I want him. I want to forget him. Both truths chew me raw from the inside.
Denver is a phantom under my skin, just like his mouth finding every secret ache, his body covering mine, relentless and gentle all at once. For those stolen hours, I was wanted, possessed, claimed. I let myself belong to him in the dark, let him map every inch of me until I forgot to be afraid. Now that memory claws at me, raw and impossible to scrub away.
Now that feeling seems like a cruel joke. While I was letting my guard down, surrendering to happiness, Elliot was already here. Already watching. Already planning to destroy everything I've built.
The baby monitor crackles with Poppy's sleepy murmur. She's not awake, just dreaming. I watch the small green lights flicker with her sounds. She's all that matters. Not my feelings, not Axel, not anything but keeping her safe.
I cross to her room again, needing to see her, to remind myself why I'm fighting. She's rolled onto her side, one little hand curled near her face, lips parted slightly. Perfect. Innocent. Mine.
"I promise I'll keep you safe," I whisper, brushing my fingers lightly over her curls. "No matter what it takes."
Chapter 24
Axel
Ican't sleep.
My bedroom is pitch-black except for the blue glow of my phone as I check the time again: 3:17 a.m. I've been lying here for hours, replaying everything in my mind like some twisted highlight reel.
Sadie's face when she saw that envelope in my hand. The betrayal in her eyes. The way she backed away from me like I was no different from Elliot. The sound of her voice breaking when she said, "I trusted you."
