The momentary calm evaporates. My chest tightens as I imagine what might be inside, custody papers, court summons, threats disguised as legal jargon.
I force myself to breathe. In for four counts. Hold for seven. Out for eight. Dr. Meyers taught me this technique during those dark months after I left, when panic attacks would hit without warning.
Tomorrow, I tell myself. I'll deal with it tomorrow.
But tomorrow has been coming for months now, and still the envelope waits. Still the calls keep coming. Still I jump at shadows and check locks three times and flinch when strangers notice too much.
I sink onto the couch, suddenly aware of the weight of my exhaustion. This vigilance takes its toll, in dark circles under my eyes, in tension headaches that never quite fade, in the way I can't remember the last time I truly relaxed.
The baby monitor glows green on the table, Poppy's soft breathing a steady reminder of why I can't falter. Not even for a moment. Not even for a man with kind eyes who notices but doesn't push.
Because the moment I let my guard down is the moment everything I've built here could crumble. And that's a risk I simply cannot take.
I curl deeper into the couch cushions, pulling the throw blanket up to my chin. Sleep won't come, not with my mind racing like this.
For a moment, just one, I let myself remember what it felt like before. Not before Elliot, not before all of it. Before I understood what it cost to want someone. There was a version of me that would have clocked a man like Axel Slade and felt nothing but simple, uncomplicated interest. A woman who could have smiled back without calculating the risk first. Who didn't inventory every kindness for hidden cost.
I miss her. I don't know if she's still in here somewhere or if she's just gone.
The thought is there for one unguarded second, and then Elliot's voice cuts through it, the way it always does.
Every time I close my eyes, I'm back there.
The hospital room is too bright, antiseptic white burning my eyes after thirty-six hours of labor. Poppy is asleep in the plastic bassinet beside my bed, perfect and tiny, just two hours old. The nurse has stepped out. I'm alone for the first time with my daughter when the door clicks open.
Elliot stands there, his face a mask of cold fury I know too well.
"So this is how it's going to be?" His voice is soft, controlled. More dangerous than when he shouts. "You think you can just run away? Take what's mine?"
"Please leave," I whisper, my body still aching, fear making me dizzy. "You shouldn't be here."
He moves closer, each step deliberate. "You've always been stupid, Sadie. But this?" He gestures to Poppy, sleeping peacefully. "This is a whole new level of stupidity."
"Don't." My voice breaks. "Don't come near her."
His smile doesn't reach his eyes.
"You think a restraining order means anything? You think you can hide behind paperwork?" He leans down, his breath hot against my face.
"I will always find what belongs to me. Always."
"She doesn't belong to you," I say, finding a scrap of courage. "She's not property."
"We'll see what the courts have to say about that." His fingers brush the edge of Poppy's blanket. "I have resources you can't imagine. Connections. You really think you can outrun me?"
His hand hovers over Poppy's sleeping form. I can't breathe, can't move.
"I'll let you have your little fantasy for now," he says softly.
"But remember this moment, Sadie. Remember I could have taken her right now if I wanted to. I'm just giving you enough rope to hang yourself."
When he finally leaves, I sob so hard the nurse comes running.
My phone buzzes on the coffee table, jolting me back to the present. The screen lights up with that familiar Oregon area code. My chest seizes as I stare at it, unable to move for three long rings.
On the fourth ring, I reach out with a shaking hand and decline the call.
The silence that follows feels heavy, accusatory. My eyes drift to the kitchen drawer where I've stashed my car keys, knowing the envelope is still in the glove compartment. Court papers. Legal threats. Reality I can't outrun forever.
