I frowned, not sure I liked that description. It wasn’t as though I didn’t see the positives in life. I just didn’t get as excited about them. I called myself a realist. And, in reality, things weren’t great at the moment. The wraith was causing chaos outside the town, and none of us knew its game plan. That wasnothing compared to whatever was going on between me and Liv, which was fraught with all its own problems. That didn’t mean I was grumpy.
Before I could argue further, though, Liv had gotten to her feet.
“I do have to get going,” Liv said, checking her phone. “I’ll see you later!”
She gave a sunny, warm smile as she waggled her fingers at me. I watched her disappear into the kitchen as she hummed to herself, bouncing on the balls of her feet, as peppy and chipper as always.
I still had that sneaking suspicion that she was lying, that there were things she had left unsaid for her own reasons. Part of me wanted to go after her, to inquire further and figure out more about what was going on in that head of hers.
I tried to sense what was going on by prodding the mating bond, trying to see if I could sense her true feelings. When I searched it, I was startled to find a swirl of complicated emotions, as if Liv herself didn’t know how to feel about it.
Chapter 7 - Liv
Amelia walked out of the sparring room, followed by a line of excited, bouncing kids. “These guys are going to get their first taste of real hunting,” Amelia said.
“Oh, really?” I grinned as I took in each of their faces. “Well, in that case, you guys better bring me back something!”
“Don’t worry, Ms. Liv,” a boy, Tommy, said. “I’m going to bring you back a whole deer!”
“Well, I’m going to bring her back a tiger!” another boy said.
“No, you aren’t! There aren’t any tigers here,” said a girl. “But I’ll bring you a bear!”
“There aren’t any bears, either,” Tommy argued.
“Let’s go after some birds and other smaller things first,” Amelia said, winking at me. “Hold down the fort. We’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
“See you!” I said with a wave.
Smiling, I watched as the kids scampered off, ready to practice hunting. As I did, a pang of longing and a little bit of sadness washed over me. When I was younger, I had imagined having kids with Drake. I had pictured them learning to shift, watching Drake teach them the ins and outs of being a shifter. I remembered imagining that life, a happy family. I hadn’t had a horrible childhood by any means, but it had been lonely, and I had wanted to give my own kids all the love and care they could ever want. I had imagined us all going on hikes together, going on trips. I remember picturing a little girl with Drake’s eyes, a boy with my nose.
I shoved the image away. It wasn’t worth it. It had been a child’s fantasy, and any chance of that outcome had died the day Drake first rejected me.
Turning back to the computer, I took a deep breath, then buried myself in my work as I forced all thoughts of Drake and that fantasy life out of my mind. I had bigger things to worry about, after all.
***
I didn’t let myself think about Drake or the conversation we’d had until I was back home and knew I was alone. I poured myself a glass of water—which I chugged, refilled, then chugged again before placing it on the counter—and collapsed into a chair as I stared down at the table, picking at my nails as I finally started to think about the conversation.
After years of ignoring it, of us both pretending it had never happened, he had wanted to talk about one of the most painful days of my entire life. I did my best to never think about it, because it was too depressing, too heartbreaking. I had exposed my heart to someone who had torn it to shreds. Whenever I felt myself thinking about it, my chest started to hurt.
So, yes, I had lied to him because I wasn’t going to tell him how much that day still bothered me. Ever since that day, I’d done my best to find the upside of everything, including that moment. It had forced me to learn to love myself and to grow comfortable in my own skin. But when I thought about it too hard, it was impossible to feel nothing but despair, no matter what good had come out of it. Especially now, when I had been right all along, and we had been dragged into the mating ceremony, all I could think when I considered that day was howthings might have been different if he had accepted it when we were younger. Our entire relationship would be different.
I thought about what he’d let slip about his parents. That was the most he had ever let slip about his past or what it had been like for him growing up. I hadn’t known he’d had to deal with anything quite like that. If that was really true, then I couldn’t exactly blame him for being a little distrustful of mates.
That didn’t mean he’d had to treat me that way. It didn’t mean he could say those things to me when we were kids and think it was okay. It didn’t mean that him telling me these things meant it was still okay. The fact that he hadn’t realized how upset he had made me still didn’t make sense. I kept mulling over this, brow creased in frustration as I stared down at the table. How the hell could he not know it bothered me?
Except he had noticed something was wrong. Or, at the very least, he had sensed that I hadn’t been entirely truthful. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I hid behind the cheerfulness sometimes. It was better to be cheerful and wave away the problems than dwell too much on them. That was what my parents had told me, and I believed them. Everyone was nicer to you when you were cheerful and friendly. It was impolite to show negativity, especially for women. Focusing on the bright side had always come easily to me, so it had never been an issue, until recently.
Drake was the exact opposite, it seemed. He rarely thought about the positives of a situation. He seemed too preoccupied with everything that could possibly go wrong that he couldn’t see any upsides. It made him surly and aloof and unapproachable.
Except he had seemed like he genuinely cared about my being happy. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t care about me ormy feelings. He had never cared. If he had, he would have done something about it instead of hurting me. At the very least, he would have apologized for what he’d done if he thought there was something amiss with it.
A rattling emanated behind me, then a loud crash that nearly made me jump out of my skin. I let out a startled squeak of surprise, hand going to my mouth as I spun around, heart thundering in my chest.
The glass of water I had placed on the counter lay in shards on the ground, water pooling around it. I stared, mouth open, at the glittering fragments as they sparkled in the light from the window, looking almost magical. When I tore my gaze away from the mess, I glanced around the counter, looking for anything that might explain why an otherwise stationary glass of water had fallen to the floor. But there was nothing there.
A prickling unease rose along my spine. Without letting myself think too hard about it, I cleaned up the mess and walked out of the room, pushing Drake and the rest of it out of my head.
