“Benjamin, can I talk to you for a moment?” Drew whispers in my ear. When I nod, he pulls me a couple cars away—still in view of the group but out of earshot. He stares down at me, face irritated and expectant. After an uncomfortable moment, I say,
“What?” He gives me a huffed laugh.
“What? That’s what you’re asking?” I look around to make sure no one is nearby, hoping to God the group isn’t looking over here.
“Uh, yes? I’m not sure—”
“You’re going to go home and get fucked up with Aaron and spend the night with him?” He asks, crossing his arms. I feel a stab in my chest.
“No, I’m going home with my best friend, and Aaron—his brother—is going to be in his home as well. Then we’re going to all hang out and drink to celebrate the day. I’m not sure what you’re implying, Drew, but I thought we moved past this when we decided you weren’t going to try and control when I’m around him.” He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.
After a moment, he takes a deep breath and invades my space. Drew cups my jaw, staring me in the eyes so deeply that I think he might be looking for something.
“I’m sorry if I seem crazy. I just get worried; I feel like after everything it’s not that weird for me to freak out a little bit.” Slowly, I nod. “Just… please don’t be alone with him tonight. Only because you’re drinking, and I don’t trust him.”
“Aaron would never force himself on me.” I counter defensively, watching his eyes narrow.
“I don’t believe that.” Shoving his hand off my face, I move to walk past him and back to our friends. He grabs my arm. “Benjamin, wait. I’m sorry. I know you grew up with him and have some twisted affection for him, but I’m allowed to have my ownopinion of him. And that’s what it is.” We stare at each other—Drew holding my arm, me looking over my shoulder back at him. I think I might be glaring.
“Why is your opinion valid but mine is twisted?” He sighs.
“Think of what he’s done.” I tug my arm, but he’s got a good grip on it, and it was mostly just a show of defiance anyway.
“You don’t know anything about him.”
“Button.” My gaze snaps forward, meeting Aaron’s. He’s a few feet away, hands clenched at his sides, eyes drilling straight into Drew. He doesn’t necessarily look angry—no, he looksferal.
“Aaron—”
“I think you should let him go, Drew.” He says, voice more of a command than a recommendation. Drew’s shaking slightly, but he holds his ground.
“Last time I checked, this wasmyboyfriend.” He snaps.
“What a bummer.” Aaron responds, and Drew starts to pull me back against himself. Aaron is on his way over—quick and lethal.
“Wait!” I snap, and everyone stops. “Jesus. Drew, we can talk about it later. Now is not the time. Aaron, let’s go. Stop being nosy.” I look back at Drew. “I’ll call you, okay? Have a good night.” I pull my arm free and walk past Aaron, feeling him trail behind me after a moment.
“Benjamin,” Drew calls. I pause. “I love you.”
There are moments—moments you don’t know are so pivotal, so vital to the outcome of your life—and they’re always so small, so random. I think this is one of them. I think this might set me on a different path, one way or another.
Drew stands a few feet behind me, waiting. Aaron at my back, anticipating my next move. And the most painful part is, as much as I like Drew, I don’t love him. And he knows that. I’veneversaid it. Not just tonight. It’s a test in front of Aaron. Will I fold and say it to make a statement to him or let him know I don’t love Drew. I clench my fists.
“Thank you.” I keep walking. I am no one’s pawn.
Kayla, Felix, and Amber pretend like we never stepped away. We decide where we’ll go for pancakes and what booze we’ll drink. Eventually, Kayla leaves with her friends, and the rest of us head to IHOP.
Now I’m sitting in the den on the floor as I stare at my phone. We’re all pretty buzzed, and Drew’s trying to call me. I can feel my head getting fuzzier and fuzzier.
“Gonna get that?” Aaron asks, sitting next to me. He’s changed into sweats and an old soccer shirt.
“Ah,” I sigh. “I don’t know, actually. What do I say if I do?” I turn and look at him—his eyes so close to mine and so bright, so clear.
“I think he remembers last year’s graduation party.” My eyes widen; face flushing. “And probably thinks I plan on getting revenge like an angry middle schooler.” This pulls a small laugh out of me, tilting his lips up just a bit.
“Yeah, that’s probably true.” Avoiding the intensity in his gaze, I turn and stare ahead of us. “That’s pretty close to what we were fighting about, actually.” There’s a moment of silence before he asks,
“What were you fighting about?” When I move my head too fast everything spins, so I slowly let it drop back onto the couch cushion behind me.
