There's about thirty full seconds of me staring at him like an idiot, too scared to be hopeful, to take what he’s saying as what I hope it is. Finally, he rolls his eyes and walks up to me, holding out the envelope.
“You’re accepted, dumbass.” My whole fucking heart drops and a breath I didn’t know I was holding rushes out of me. My shoulders slump, tension leaving every part of my body. I lean back slightly, resting my ass against the edge of my desk. I don’t open the letter—I still can’t even look.
“Wait,” my gaze shoots to his. “Amber?” He grins, nodding quickly. I laugh, one that tells the room I can’t believe what’s happening right now. The hand that’s not holding the letter pulls at my hair softly, making sure I’m awake. I’m so out of it I don’t even notice that Benjamin is standing right in front of me, and I’m only in a pair of sweats.
“We… Everyone is really proud of you, Aaron.” Benjamin says. I can see it in his eyes. The pride, the affection, the longing. It’s right there, intertwined with the resentment and the pain. It’s so hard to look into his eyes—so hard to see what I’ve done.
“Thank you.” He watches me, awkwardly pulling at his own fingers, shirt smacking against his thighs where they bounce with his nerves.
“I…” He stops.
“You?” I wait. I’ll give him hours if it means he’ll keep talking to me, keep acknowledging I exist. He’s frustrated now—I can tell. Finally, like a child throwing a tantrum, he stomps one foot and then walks straight up to where I’m leaning.
I’m still taller than him in this position too, so he pushes between my legs, wraps his arms around my neck and squeezes me roughly. I nearly choke on my own spit, I’m so surprised. I probably would have if his death grip wasn’t cutting off my air flow. He eases up a little bit.
Am I allowed to hug him back? Can I touch him? Is this a new brand of torture I didn’t know about?
“Can I—”
“Just this once.” One arm snugly around his waist and the other on the back of his head, I have him pressed so firmly against me I don’t think a single drop of water could slide through. I bury my face as far into his neck as I can manage and breathe him in deeply. I will take what I can get like the pitiful creature I am. Does he know I operate off of his commands? Does he care?
Benjamin sighs softly, like there is something super heavy he’s been carrying and I’ve just taken it from him, releasing him of that burden. He smells of citrus and sweat and something else that’s new to me. Some type of wood, maybe? I take the hand from his hair and feel the nape of his neck. I know it’s gone—it’s been so long now. But I need to feel it. I have to make myself see that he’s notmyButton anymore.
Only, when I drag my fingers across him, I find two raised areas of skin. Smoother than the rest, tiny crescent moon shapes, diagonal from eachother. He shivers. No way…
“Some are scarred.” He says against my collarbone. A fire ignites inside of my chest and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. The only thing keeping my dick from getting hard is knowing he’d pull away if it did.
“I’m sorry.” Benjamin chuckles, the sound vibrating throughout my entire body like a symphony conducted just for me.
“You don’t mean that.” When I say nothing, he shrugs against me. “I don’t mind them.”
I press him tighter against me, my hand cupping the back of his neck, right over where a part of me will never leave him. No matter where I go, I will remain with him. The arm around his waist wraps all the way around to his hip, my fingers resting on his hip bone. I run my fingertips across it softly, as much as I can reach from this position. I try to memorize the feeling, to not think of Drew doing the same thing.
Benjamin’s breath catches but he doesn’t move.
“Have… have I left them anywhere else?” I ask and after a moment he nods.
“In Cameron’s house. When you, uh, when you finished you bit my thigh.” I nod, flushing at the memory.Good times. “That one was a bit more… intense.” He laughs a little, his lips dragging on my skin as he talks. “I had to wear a bandage for a hot minute. That one is scarred too, but it's pretty much the full thing. Your bite mark, I mean.”
“Can I see?” I fully expect him to say no, yet he pulls away just enough to lift his shirt and prop a leg on the desk. Midway up his thigh is a bite mark. It’s pale, barely darker than the rest of his skin, but if it was red, it’d look as if I just did it.
My eyes widen, lips parted in shock and awe.
“You look beautiful.” I breathe, running a finger over the mark. Only then do I realize I didn’t ask first. I rip my hand away. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I—” I meet his gaze and he’s smiling at me, shaking his head gently. “What?”
“Nothing.” He puts his leg back on the ground and takes a step back. “Congrats Aaron, truly. I’m going to get back now, but I’msure your parents will be thrilled. And you should call Amber.” He heads to the door. “Bye, Aaron.” He doesn’t look back.
The moment is over—back to the real world.
???
Graduation day. Everyone’s running around screaming, I’m the center ofeverything, and I can’t have a moment to myself. When we finally got to the school, I realize the only time I’ve had away from my loving family was at the rehearsal this morning. Dad parks the car in the visitor’s lot across the street and guides Mom over to the student parking in front of the school. I turn my bike off, placing my helmet on the seat.
“Do you leave it like that every day?” My mom asks, bewildered.
“There are cameras, Mom.”
“Jesus.” She mutters to herself. “Well anyway, I need to find your brother. He went and picked up Drew and Bear so he should be here already.”
