“Nonsense.” Mom says firmly. “You’re a good boy, Aaron.” After a moment, very softly, she adds, “It’ll pass.” I nod.
“Okay, thank you.” My voice is small as I stare at the bike.
“So, do you love it?” Dad asks, excited. I laugh, wiping my face.
“Uh, yeah. It’s only the coolest bike ever made. And I would know—I’ve seen it on the roada lot.” I’m grinning.
“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Amber says. “You’re welcome, by the way. I went with Mr. Archer to pick it out.” I lean down and kiss the top of Amber’s head. “Awe, such a sensitive boy.” I flick her. “Ouch!”
“Okay!” Mom claps. “Family breakfast to celebrate. Food is ready so let's eat.”
We eat our breakfast surrounded by laughter and the smell of French toast. I’m reminded of how much I really love my family; how much I’ll miss them. I have to force tears away several times, embarrassingly enough. And I don’t look at Benjamin once. If I do, I think I might fall apart.
???
The boys left about twenty minutes ago and I’m gathering my bag, readying to try my bike out for the first time.
“I’m leaving!” I yell and Mom comes out of the living room.
“Aaron,” She comes to me and looks at me for a moment, then to the helmet, laying a finger on the blue bird. “Did you see this?” I smile softly at her, kissing her cheek.
“Yeah, I really like it. Thanks, Mom.” She shakes her head.
“I didn’t do that.” I lean away, staring at her blankly.
“What? Then who did? Felix?”
“Bear.” My heart stops. We stare at each other for a few seconds before I speak.
“What?” My voice is so small, so scared of what she’ll say.
“He came in last night after his dinner with Felix and Drew and asked me if it would be alright if he added something to your gift. When I asked him why the bird, aside from the obvious, he said that they symbolize happiness. And,” she grins. “He blushedbefore he said this next part—it was very cute.” I wait for her to continue and after a moment I shake her lightly.
“Stop torturing me, woman.” She laughs.
“He said blue birds are very territorial animals. That a male blue bird will aggressively protect his nest, and when his female bird is brooding, he’ll sit there the entire time to make sure no one touches her.” She touches my cheek. “He said that that’s the kind of man you are.”
That white hot ache in my chest, the one where some part of me used to be full, eases just a bit. My throat closes slightly as my eyes water. Mom’s staring at me sympathetically, like she knows what that means to me.
“Oh.” Is all I can say.
“Little Bird, timing is a fickle thing. I think college is going to be very good for you. And I think the space will be very good for him.” I nod, which is all I can manage. She kisses my nose and pats my cheek. “Now go. No speeding—be careful!”
I pull my bike out of the driveway, starting towards school. It’s comfortable—not much different than the ones I’ve test driven at bike shows or events. The vibrations under me are calming, the wind cooling against my skin. I use the drive, the time alone, to think.
“He said that that’s the kind of man you are.”
He said it like he admired it. Like he thinks it’s something to display, to advertise. I want to kiss him. I want him to be proud of me. Fuck, I should have looked at him this morning. I don’t want him to have space. I want him to want me.
???
The initial track meet isn’t super packed. There are a handful of students and a couple of supportive parents. I spot a few college scouts looking at the senior runners. I sit in the first row of the bleachers, watching the students stretch their legs. Since it’s the first meet, only previous members have their uniforms, so there’s a couple students in casualNike shorts or leggings, etc.
Felix is in his uniform, as a former member. He seeks me out, then approaches the fence in front of me.
“Hey! Thanks for coming. We start in like five minutes.” I give him an encouraging smile.
“Then knock ‘em dead.” He salutes me, before looking to my right.
