“I… I think I’m having a hard time seeing it. It’s already sucky imagining how I don’t have any family to experience things like this with—but going to an actual wedding andseeingit… it depresses me.” Aaron tilts his head at me, eyes sad and curious.
“What things are you talking about?” I shrug.
“I don’t know. Having a family to sit on my side of the pews or what about when he saysin front of your friends and familyand I’m like—yeah try again—they’re dead.” I sigh again—defeated. “Kayla looked so beautiful with her dad walking her down the aisle and I realized once again that I really wish I had a dad who loved me. Even just a little bit. I don’t even have my mom’s ashes anymore.” Aaron kisses my forehead, wiping away the stray tear has fallen.
“I know it doesn’t fix it—but I’ll love you enough for all of them.” I grin at him.
“Yeah? That’sa lot. Like—so much that you’d probably just forgive me—”
“Not a chance.” I groan—tipping my head back and looking at the fairy lights above me.
“I won’t have a relativeto make a speech for me. No one to invite to a proposal or to celebrate anything I might achieve.” I look back at Aaron and give him a sad smile. “I’m very happy for people who have that—because I know what it’s like not to. But sometimes it’s really hard to sit and watch it, knowing it’s just out of reach.”
“Aw, Button.” He coos, grabbing the back of my head and burying my face into his neck. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that. That’s horrible, I can’t even imagine… Hey—let’s just start our own family.” I pop back up to look at him with wide eyes.
“What?!”
“Yeah—we can find the people in the world who love us most and make them our family.”Oh—I really thought he was going to suggest— “and then you can have my kids and we’ll be daddies.” Aaron laughs at whatever face I make at that—I can’t even tell.
“Aaron—I can’t have your kids—I’m a man.”
“Yes you can.” He insists, face serious.
“No—I can’t.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Aaron—”
“Can’t we pretend? At least for like—a year or two?” He’s pleading with me, bottom lip pouting and hands rubbing at the dimples on my back.
“Okay.” I say—I can never deny him. He grins.
“Great. So, we’ll find our own people and then you’ll have my babies. Hey—no eye-rolling.”
“Right—yes Aaron—let’s find our new family and I’ll have our babies.” The smile that breaks out onto Aaron’s face is worth pretending I can bear children for my entire lifetime. He’s so fucking happy—so much so that I’m very disappointed I can’tactuallyhave his kids.
“How exciting!” He exclaims, kissing myforehead again, making me laugh.
“So, you’re not upset anymore?” I pull back and his face is right back to stern Aaron—so fast I get whiplash. “What the?!”
“Having my children doesn’t excuse getting on your knees for another man, Benjamin.” Oh my fucking God.
“Wow—you even went from babies tochildren. You’re really mad.” He says nothing and does nothing. I can’t help but grin a little when I whisper— “How exciting.”
Chapter Forty Three
August 2023
Benjamin
The wedding is only an hour from our apartment so we don’t bother with a hotel. During the drive back Aaron is quiet—so his truck in return has a very ominous feel. My leg is bouncing in anticipation—in fear, in excitement.
“Aaron?” I can’t help myself.
