“For this. It’s just exactly like most of the bracelets I have saved online.”Score! I knew it.
“Button—I know you inside and out. I went in and told her what kind of bracelet she needed to make and she made it.” He’s crying again as he turns to look at me.
“Thank you. This is the nicest thing I’ve ever been given.” I kiss his forehead and whisper against him—
“My parents literally gave you a car.” Benjamin gasps.
“I totally forgot about that! Like—what the fuck! And one cannot say no to Tina, or she starts looking like she’ll cry and I feel horrible, so I give in every time.” I nod—a solemn expression on my face.
“Yes—I have fallen victim several times before.” Benjamin giggles. “I think that was my mom’s old car. I heard she got a new one.” He visibly relaxes.
“Oh, thank God.”
“You’re welcome.” He grins at me for a moment before staring back down at the bracelet. “Can I put it on you?” Benjamin nods so I carefully pick the golden piece up and unclasp it. He holds out his left wrist for me to clasp it. “This is the…” I don’t finish—he knows. The arm with all of the scars, the proof of his years of vicious self-harm.
“I know.” He says, staring down at it—at the raised skin running in every direction.
There must be something symbolic behind this placement that I can’t quite wrap my head around, but that’s not for me anyway. Iclasp it onto his wrist and bring it to my lips—kissing right over the gold—over the scars there. He shivers.
“I love you.” I whisper against his skin. “Happy birthday.” I look up to him and he’s staring at me like he’s seeing something unreal. Like I’m a ghost or an alien.
“I… really never thought I’d be allowed this kind of life. Especially not with you.” He brings his wrist up to the light above his head—admires it, then turns to me and says— “I was supposed to kill myself next year.” I feel the dread as it fills my body, my heart, my soul. My hands reach out for him on instinct—as if he’s jumping now—right off of that bridge.
“Baby…”
“It had been my plan for so long that I don’t even remember when I decided. Long before we started this… cycle of coming together and falling apart. There would be fleeting moments where I would consider being able to stay—but each time—the reality of my life hurt more and more on the comedown. Having no hope was better than being reminded of why I shouldn’t have any at all.” I can see the sorrow on his face—feel it in my bones, feel it transfer to me the way pain does when you’re interlinked.
He continues.
“This would have been my last birthday.” His expression changes from one of sorrow—of recalling old horrors—to one of this disbelieving awe, hope. “But now, the thought of not being with you—even in the obliviousness of death—is so much harder to bear than any bad thing that has ever happened to me.”
I understand what he means. Even in a reality where I have no way of knowing of my own existence, I will still ache without him. My body will still seek him out—my soul searching for his.
“Benjamin—” I cup his jaw, bringing his wrist between us and kissing it again. “When we die it’ll be together as super cranky old men. And then we’ll do this again in a new reality. But we have plenty of time until then. I’m going to stay right here with you—sinking my teeth into you—forthe rest of your life.”
Benjamin’s kissing me—shoving that little ball of his along the roof of my mouth and his hands into my hair—up my shirt. I pull him into my lap.
“Aaron—” He gasps, pulling away enough to talk. “What if I died when I fell and all of this is Heaven?” I can’t help but grin. Heaven, huh?
“Want me to do some things to you that aredefinitelynot allowed in Heaven?” Benjamin blushes—smiling back at me with his cute little dimples.
“I mean—if it’s the only way.” I stand, keeping him locked around my waist. I’m kissing him again—running my hands along his ass—eating every little sound he gives me. Once we’re in the bedroom I strip him naked.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Button. Every time I see you, I’m overwhelmed again.” His dick twitches as he stands in front of me—flushing a deeper shade of red. “Turn.”
I’m staring at his ass. I see the almost completely healed bit of scab left from a spanking he got a few days ago—but other than that he’s smooth and clear. I’ll fix it. I stand at his side—wrapping a hand under his jaw to cradle the other side of his face—pulling his cheek against my chest. His breath hitches.
Crack!
My hand comes down onto his bare skin—and in the aftershock of the loud noise the only sound is my own breathing. Benjamin is twitching, his body searching for air that it can’t find. His eyes are completely unfocused and I know he’s gone. Gone to that other world he loves so much. Then—like a switch—he takes a deep breath and begins to wail.
“Aaron—” He sounds so good like this, so desperate, so fucking raw. I kiss the top of his head, keeping him pulled against me by the side of his face. “So good.” He groans.
“I know, baby.” I slowly let go, making sure he can stand on his own. “Lay down.” He does. Laying in the center of the bed, staring up at me. He’s releasing little sobs—hair wet at his temples where the tears now fall.
The button on his chest—the bracelet on his wrist—my teeth marks on his thigh. The visible marks I can see from this angle. God—it’s so hot.
“That bracelet looks so good on you.” He smiles, looking at where it lays on the bed next to his head.
